lou
lou
Nov 02, 2010

Acrid

Incessant flow of acrid torment,
gouging a trench into an effulgent pebble.
Dull throbbing that never ceases.

Torrent of hell holding me down,
as I gasp and fight for air ,
and struggle to throw the darkness out.

Chinks of light expand,
seeping across my mind.
The nightmare receding.

Escape from a living hell,
I’m human again.
For now.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: .

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: [This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

About the Author

Region, Country: West London, GBR

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

14 years 6 months ago

A picture of torment and hellish chains. I wonder that some people can go on. You have painted a picture of
a person that suffers and yet sees the light at the end of the tunnel and crawls toward it on their hands and knees. i like the poem, yet do not like the horror that it describes. I feel very bad for anyone that has to deal with it on a regular basis. Very descriptive and the word usage superb. ~ Love ya, ~ Gee

lou

Thank you, the poem is not about anyone in particular thankfully , it was just an exercise in imagination.

Much love Lou xx

judyanne

i really like this descriptive.

just one thing
'Dull throbbing that never goes away'
- i think another word or phrase for 'never goes away' is needed for poetic flavour
some suggestions
'never ceases..... never subsides.... . will not desist....

well written lou - i enjoyed it (if that's the correct sentiment)
insight into nightmare - awake or asleep.....
love judy
xxxx

lou

lou

14 years 6 months ago

In reply to by xena465

Thank you so much

lou

Hooded Stranger

Hooded Stranger

14 years 5 months ago

excellently executed (not easy to say three times fast after a couple of Jack Daniels).

This is especially well written since you just wrote it as an exercise. I find it hard to write about something I haven't experienced, so very well done.

HS

lou

lou

14 years 5 months ago

In reply to by Hooded Stranger

Thank you , (nothing is easy to say after a few Jack Daniels, I usually mispronounce my own name lmao)

Lou