Barbara Writes
By Barbara Writes, 27 May, 2012
Participants
Barbara Writes
weirdelf
thePoetess
scribbler
Ian.T
wesley snow
BlueDemon77
Skill level
Splash Pool
Date
-
Short description
Poetry Japanese style
Barbara Writes

We will start the discussion with Haiku. Haiku origin is Japanese. Its content is seasonal, does not rhyme, and is written in three lines with syllables of 5/7/5 per line.

Barbara Writes

We will start the discussion with Haiku. Haiku origin is Japanese. Its content is seasonal, does not rhyme, and is written in three lines with syllables of 5/7/5 per line.

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 11 months ago

I have added a few of the Japanese writes to my on going Blog, with a separate Blog for Renga poetry but that also contains information on the other forms, I hope they are of some use to your workshop, Yours Ian.T

T

I would like to join the workshop. I have written some Japanese form poetry before and it is something I enjoy.

T

I have written both haiku and tanka and a few senryu. I am wondering if you have ever tried the Brazilian haiku? If you wish to try it, I will give you the information.

S

While I await Barb letting me join I'll go ahead and jump in this discussion if that's OK. There are a lot of times some tiny thing in nature catches my eye. And it usually has to do with changing season. When the "prompt" does not seem like it will supposrt a longer work, I often try to describe it via Haiku. The challenge of Not using rhyme and having to condense the muse into this strict form is both a challenge and a lot of fun..............stan

Barbara Writes

Since Renga is a poem of collaboration it iwould be the last to be written. All participants is to write it after writing their haiku and senyru which could be done at the same time to show difference on the same post.
After the discussion of the definitions difference each will write their haiku and senyru and post to workshop. Then all will join in on the renga.
To get a better understanding how this form works go to Ian's blog it is very detailed with good information if you need be. http://www.neopoet.com/iant/blog/tue-2012-05-29-1347

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 11 months ago

I would love to have a go at this workshop it should be fun,
Yours Ian.T

Ian.T

Please add my name to your list, I have already written the Haiku's so will just await the grand opening, lol, Take care have a lovely day,
Yours Ian.T

Barbara Writes

I'm having sooo much fun with this workshop. I'm looking forward to running this race with all of you. I gonna add my Haikus to day. We need a minimum of four people for Renga and we have it.

Barbara Writes

Remrmber we all must give feed back on each poems I'm not seeing much. When time avails please give each other feedback.

wesley snow

are you here?

I can't see you. I can't seen anything but shapes. I'm surrounded by little people talking in tiny little poems I don't understand.

Beau? Where are you? I'm scared. Am I supposed to be in here?
Stan, help. You know I can't do this. Tell them I can't do this. They'r going to make me write with only three lines. Tell them Stan. Tell them I don't know how.

I'm so very frightened.
I don't see my name on the list.

Am I dead?

S

Not only 3 lines but 3 Short lines . Just take a deep breath and stop writing when the exhalation comes then pare it bach even more. If this ol' southern dunder head can do it anyone can. BTW You know those lines of poetry which pop into your head that don't seem to have sufficent duration yet have substance? Ideal fodder for Japaese forms.........stan

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 10 months ago

It is about time someone started cutting off your over long lines and made you come out with short to the point lines LOL
I will look so forward to your trip into misery I know what I will do for you there is a lovely place on line something to do with pulling teeth and syllable counts you will find it here:- http://www.haikuwithteeth.com/index.php
Take care out there we are waiting for your effort, Yours Ian.T La La

PS:- there was a GI that thought that all Japanese were short little guy's until about four of them charged at him in the war they were all around six feet and built like brick S H's...

Barbara Writes

We can start off by each one giving there definition of an haiku, senyru, and tanka, since they are closely related.

Haiku are forms of poetry that originated in Japan over 300 years ago. Haiku poems are very short set of words that often expresses a unique thought or feeling. It is a short poem that records the essence of a moment keenly perceived in which Nature is linked to human nature. Diffinition from here http://haiku-poems.50webs.com/
Senyru are forms of poetry unrhymed and similar to haiku in structure and written about human emotions etc.
Tanka The Tanka poem is very similar to haiku but Tanka poems have more syllables and it uses simile, metaphor And personification. Tanka poems are written about nature, seasons, love, sadness and other strong emotions. This form of poetry dates back almost 1200 years ago. http://www.edu.pe.ca/stjean/playing%20with%20poetry/Hennessey/how_to_wr…

Haiku originated from tanka in structure dropping off the last two lines.

S

Actually the syllabus calls for four Haiku and Senryu and both forms prohibit rhyming if I'm not mistaken. A poem of similar form which rhymes was developed by a site member and is called Rhyku. Maximum 4 lines, max. number of words per line is 7 and this form Must contain at least one rhyme.........stan

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 10 months ago

This is to be added to the A-Z of poetic forms Blog, Yours Ian.T

rhyku (plural rhykus)
A short poem invented by the poet "Joel Mansfield"
Combining a short haiku-like form with elements of rhyme.
Usually 3 or 4 lines in length.

Barbara Writes

Will look into this after I get pass fast past homework and midterms. Sound fun Back to homework got cass tonight. This was my litttle break.

William Saint George

haiku a bit too foreign for me. Have tried once, but it didn't tickle me enough. Personally, a rhyming couplet does more justice to a thought, (and is easier to write) but I'm curious. That, probably, is all that really matters.

I'll stick around and read to my delight. :) I've just not been taken over completely.

weirdelf

you guys you are putting yourselves through.

Japanese poetry is an imperative to any modern poet. Rather than the endless bullshit and moralising with lousy storytelling of say, Lord Byron's 'Don Juan', you can speak the most perfectly cut gems of the most singular words if you try. We all, each and every one of us need to learn it in order to be relevant, interesting, profound and not relics of a lost form.

And that will only add to each of our poetic skills repertoire. Whichever form we choose.
Listen for that mental gasp that follows a good haiku/senryu.

I am finally going to recommend you to my own accomplishments in this field, look at each piece singularly and as a whole. Criticise as harshly as you can.
Haikookas
http://www.neopoet.com/node/2669

weirdelf

To make each word count for everything it can.

It's not the same for other poets, but learning the perfect expression of minimalism will expand any poet's ability to express themself in any form.

S

You probably won't believe it judging by my usual writes but I'm a true believer in the "less is more" mantra and Haiku and Senryu are about the epitome of this............stan (plus as I've said before, it's perfect for capturing those moments which won't support longer forms)

S

Pronounced just as it's spelled.......................stan

Ian.T

I am going to report you to the PC committee..
You want to bring SIN into our lovely Japanese writing.
There are places for such words and writing, trouble is the entrance fee is becoming bigger and bigger it use to be one penny.. La La Sparrow

Barbara Writes

we will begin the round robin once everybody has all theiir haikus, senyrus, and tankas, posted. any who havent; done please do so now. i know you all are waiting for the last part. i cant wait myself. Stan i dont see your Tanka have you submit it and im overlooking. Wes I see one Haiku and One Senyru, do you have anymore, I see Ian and Jess has completed their the three. Set me straight if im missing any. lol

S

Sorry to have slowed things down. Been busier than a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Will throw a Tanka together in next few days................stan

Barbara Writes

I realize how busy you must be. Just sending reminders :)
Looking forward to your tanka and presence in the round robin.

BlueDemon77

I appreciate you letting me join so late in the game. I can't submit my 4 haiku tonight since I'm not on the list so I can't enter them as workshop related. know about the one one Tanka and two Senryu assignments still outstanding and the group Renga. Thanks for agreeing to let me attend. I would love to be on the list so I can get what I have turned in.

Thanks Barbara!

Ron

Barbara Writes

Renga will be starting soon, so those not there yet and those who are there, I think Sunday is a good day to start the round robin. Finish your Haikus, senyrus, and tankas then comment on each others submission and rally around for the final submission "Renga" at the round robin table.
sounds like a lot of fun

Barbara Writes

http://www.neopoet.com/barbara-writes/blog/sat-2012-06-02-1010
As I said the Renga will start Sunday. At the moment four of us have completed all three exercises for the workshop.

Ron, since you are ready you can write the first three lines about whatever you want, then wait for Me to add the second two lines.

Ian can write the next three accordingly, then wait for Jess to write the second two accordingly.

Stan can write the next three line, then Ron can add the last two lines.

Everybody get a opportunity to write the first three lines of the Tanka for each stanza. while the other write two lines making each stanza five lines.

since there are five of us there will be five tanka stanzas for each participant.

If there need to be any adjustment let me know. And I'll do accordingly. by this time there should be three stanzas of Renga. Anybody else joining later i will assign avvordingly. Any question feel free to ask.

I made a change to the Renga exercise after reading a couple of websites on renga today, I notice its the one who crafted the renga that write the two line of the first stanza.

Barbara Writes

Hi everyone,
Ron` since you are first, post your first three line of renga here in the worshop , not on the stream.
as everyone post their lines i will make a copy adding all the lines together then i'll ` post back here for final commentary from everyone,
All composers of the Renga, name will be in the poem's signature. Ian` you are good with the signiture in your Tanka so you can create the final signature line that includes all composers of the Renga. Right now the composers are Me, Jess, Ian, Ron, Stan, Wes. Changes and additions will be done accordingly.
Once everyone is satisfied with the Renga Jess` can post to the stream on behalf of the workshop.
Any questions feel free to ask. if i left any thing out that need to be included or explained let me know.

Ian.T

I know it is Tuesday I had missed the first part from Don but here is the next piece 2 X seven syllables

Walking in summer 's warmth
Freedom of the quiet mind.
Talk to me in whispers now

Take care all look forward to the rest of the Renga, Yours Ian . T

Barbara Writes

I reassigned you to the next three line as I went ahead and did the next two after more research on renga. the adjustment is posted here up top somewhere.
just add another line to the two you have here. that will start a new stanza, then Stan i think will post the next two to your three.
then Jess i believe has the next three then Wesley. since Wes is understandably mia at the moment we will start over and Ron will add the two to Jess's three and so forth.

Ian.T

Just a small adjustment to the words and off we go again, can you PM if this happens as I haven't the time to scan all posts, Thanks young Lady, Yours Ian.T

Walking in summer 's warmth
Freedom of the quiet mind.
Talk to me in whispers now

Barbara Writes

Wesley is temporaily Mia
so we five will carry on until he is able to be here.

Barbara Writes

As you may already realized, I am readjusting and editing the instructions as needed. So, check the "I have updated my blog" comment box for new updates and adjustments.

Barbara Writes

earth pulls us downward
to regain its lost children
birds long left the nest

scatterers blown by the wind
find their way in this grand world

Barbara

Barbara Writes

Earth pulls us downward
To regain its lost children
Birds long left the nest

Scatterers blown by the wind
Find their way in this grand world 

Walking in summer's warmth
Freedom of the quiet mind
Talk to me in whispers now 

Ron, Barbara, Ian,
Stan it is your turn i think

weirdelf

Earth pulls us downward
To regain its lost children
Birds long left the nest

Scatterers blown by the wind
Find their way in this grand world

Walking in summer's warmth
Freedom of the quiet mind
Talk to me in whispers now

lost children blown windwards hear
the noisy silence of choice

S

Last stanza :
Like all falling leaves
we will find our way back to
earth from whence we came...........................stan

weirdelf

Earth pulls us downward
To regain its lost children
Birds long left the nest

Scatterers blown by the wind
Find their way in this grand world

Walking in summer's warmth
Freedom of the quiet mind
Talk to me in whispers now

lost children blown windwards hear
the noisy silence of choice

Like all falling leaves
we will find our way back to
earth from whence we came

Let's continue the round robin cycle on the same poem, these things can go on forever and we have some great stuff here. That would make it Ron's turn next. My only suggestion is that we read what has come so far and try to maintain some coherence, as you saw I did with my contribution, referring back to ideas already presented.

I'm excited about this and would love to continue.

Ready Mr. Ron?

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 9 months ago

Later on we have waited a while,
and now lost our smile,
so I have been a naughty boy
and am sending this two liner for you to toy:-

There to lie in turmoil’s grace,
our goodness to the Earth replace

Now we can get on Ron Ron, Yours Sparrow,
PS:- just waiting for the worms that take the leaves yum yum, couldn't wait any longer....

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 9 months ago

WHAT IS A RENGA?

A RENGA is a group of HAIKU-LIKE verses linked in any one of several special ways. It is usually written by two or more poets who take turns writing the verses.

In classical RENGA, 3-line and 2-line verses are alternated,

Beginning with a 3-line verse (a hokku, usually approximating 5-7-5 syllables) resembling haiku and indicating a season.

A second poet composes the following verse (2 lines approximating 7-7), linking it by one of several methods (not too obviously, please) with the first.

The next verse (of 3 lines), composed by the first poet (in a 2-person renga) or by another (in renga written by more than 2 poets), links with the second but not with the first.

So we have a (3 lines) then (2 lines) to carry on until the boss says that will do.
So good luck with this venture and give Barbara your full support,
I think that Barbara wouldn't mind if others asked to join in to see what we can do as an end product ....

This Renga thing goes on for at least 36 parts so keep your eyes on the ball,
Yours Ian.T

Barbara Writes

thanks for the definition of Renga. It will be helpful for any who still don't quite understand what it is. Yes, if any want to join they still can and is more than welcome.
glad to see you rejoin us Ron lol.

Earth pulls us downward
to regain its lost children
birds long left the nest

Scatterers blown by the wind
find their way in this grand world

Walking in summer's warmth
freedom of the quiet mind
talk to me in whispers now

Lost children blown windwards hear
the noisy silence of choice

Like all falling leaves
we will find our way back to
earth from whence we came

There to lie in turmoil’s grace,
our goodness to the earth replace

The husk is buried
used container for spirit
what then lay within?

okay who is next?

i check to see who is in line, either Stan Jess or Me.

Barbara Writes

Renga

Earth pulls us downward
to regain its lost children
birds long left the nest

Scatterers blown by the wind
find their way in this grand world

Walking in summer's warmth
freedom of the quiet mind
talk to me in whispers now

Lost children blown windwards hear
the noisy silence of choice

Like all falling leaves
we will find our way back to
earth from whence we came

There to lie in turmoil’s grace,
our goodness to the earth replace

The husk is buried
used container for spirit
what then lay within?

The silence of nature speaks
a beseeching gaze restrained  

weirdelf

Earth pulls us downward
to regain its lost children
birds long left the nest

Scatterers blown by the wind
find their way in this grand world

Walking in summer's warmth
freedom of the quiet mind
talk to me in whispers now

Lost children blown windwards hear
the noisy silence of choice

Like all falling leaves
we will find our way back to
earth from whence we came

There to lie in turmoil’s grace,
our goodness to the earth replace

The husk is buried
used container for spirit
what then lay within?

The silence of nature speaks
a beseeching gaze restrained

by grace, thought and need
mere abundance eloquent
to find our way home
.
.
.

judyanne

may I point out some syllable discrepancies?

'Walking in summer's warmth' … 6 – should be 5 ?
'talk to me in whispers now' … 7 – should be 5 ?
'our goodness to the earth replace' … 8 – shoul be 7 ?

love judy xxx

weirdelf

for the sake of this renga especially, and considering that syllable counts are only a rough approximation of the Japanese sound units, lets focus more on the evolution of the poem. I've tried to stick to vowel counts, but would willingly skip or add for the sake of the poem.

Ian.T

Stanza three was originally written for Stanza two because Ron took a while to act on this one my stanza was put down one so instead of a 7-7 it should have been a 5-7-5, it was never corrected.
Now that you have noticed Stanza three, must be changed to:-

In summer's warmth
Freedom of the quiet mind.
Talk in whispers now

Hope Barbara will edit the whole thing again, Yours Ian.T

weirdelf

You may have to press F5 to update it.
I swear the new image is nothing to do with the TV show "Breaking Bad", teehee

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 8 months ago

Is it a Buddha? is it a philosopher? is it Capt; John Luc Picard?,
No! now listen to this:- It's Our "JESS," There must be a poem in this.. Hairless and Hatless in a kookaburras nest, or something LOL.

Oh! the reason for this write, an update to the Renga as my original stanza was incorrect:-

Earth pulls us downward
to regain its lost children
birds long left the nest

Scatterers blown by the wind
find their way in this grand world

In the summer's warmth
Freedom of the quiet mind.
Talks in whispers now

Lost children blown windwards hear
the noisy silence of choice

Like all falling leaves
we will find our way back to
earth from whence we came

There to lie in turmoil’s grace,
our goodness to the earth replace

The husk is buried
used container for spirit
what then lay within?

The silence of nature speaks
a beseeching gaze restrained

by grace, thought and need
mere abundance eloquent
to find our way home

Slow disintegration starts
Return to pure particles

Yours Ian.T
.

judyanne

i know jess will say it doesn't matter - and it doesn't really lol
but
'In summer's warmth' has only 4 syllables :)
love judy
xxx

Barbara Writes

for posting your two liner. I appreciate how each of you guys add your lines to the renga then repost it in its entirety. helps me alot.
Im sure its Stan turn this time lol.
like Jess said this can go on forever. so, how many stanzas do you guys want to add before we make a final proofread and close for submission to stream.

Ian.T

I think that the usual number is 36 lol but it can go to hundreds Maybe put a deadline on it by date like Xmas???.
Yours Sparrow

weirdelf

but kudos is my only viable currency, so I owe you some.

A valid and pertinent change.

Now we await Stan or anyone else who might ring in. Rengas can go forever.

Ian.T

Instead of Kudos, can you send me some Kuku in Biltong form it is one of the best non veggie things there is LOL.
Take care and have a great evening, Yours Ian.T

PS:- Just found this at the end of my Pen LOL:-

Hairless and Hatless in a kookaburras nest
It’s a new sweet baby, shall we will call it “Jess”?
Its heart had been broken, and it had gone astray
But I hear that with tender care, he is back today.

We send people for a cat scan to see what’s wrong
Not this young bird with his laughing song
We sent him to a better place, in the outback there
A cattery, that looked after him, with tender care.

I would say that he is now full of lovely beans
But cats eat mice, and many other nasty things
Not sure who or what is there, that heals the soul
Maybe I shall take a trip there so I will know.

I think that to travel to the other side of the world
To check out a cattery for my own soul is absurd
My padded cell here, and the odd kind word to me,
Is all I need at this time of my life, don’t you see.

To leave young Jess to fledge and fly the nest,
Is what I have been told is for the best.
So I will sit in the corner of my cosy padded cell
And tell the rest of the world out there, to go to Hell

I'll give him Kudos LOL

Barbara Writes

Then corrections, revising and editing before posting to stream is done here. We get to see collaboration at work. The workshop is working as expected I think.

Barbara Writes

Ron did "the Husk "
I think it's Stan or Ian turn

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 8 months ago

Just a two liner for the carry on:-

Slow disintegration starts
Return to pure particles

Now we can go underground maybe killer lurks or just a worm for Sparrow lol, Yours Ian.T

BlueDemon77

Earth pulls us downward
to regain its lost children
birds long left the nest

Scatterers blown by the wind
find their way in this grand world

In the summer's warmth
Freedom of the quiet mind.
Talks in whispers now

Lost children blown windwards hear
the noisy silence of choice

Like all falling leaves
we will find our way back to
earth from whence we came

There to lie in turmoil’s grace,
our goodness to the earth replace

The husk is buried
used container for spirit
what then lay within?

The silence of nature speaks
a beseeching gaze restrained

by grace, thought and need
mere abundance eloquent
to find our way home

Slow disintegration starts
Return to pure particles

Under yellow sun
seeping into the dermis
though we are not there

To keep us moving..... : )

Barbara Writes

I wanna thank everyone for participating. I hope you all had fun and benefited in some way from this workshop. I will be closing it now.
This worshop was such a success that i thought sharing it with the everyone on the site as a gathering place for poets who want to be a part of something fine would be nice.
Everyone is invited to come to Renga poetry time at "Eternal Renga".

Keep on the watch

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 8 months ago

Thank you for all the effort and time you put in to this workshop.
I as many others enjoyed the change, and the learning curve.
Our Love to you as always yours Ian.T & Friends

Barbara Writes

I thought differentt and variety might draw more people to participate>. It was better than I expected. Glad you all liked it.

Description: Writing Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, and Renga poetry.

Leader: Barbara Writes
Moderator(s):

Objectives: Better understand these four types of Japanese poetry.

Level of expertise: Splash Pool

Subject : Each participant will write 4 haikus, 2 senryu, 1 tanka and the
renga will be a round robin effort. Please remember to put Japanese Poetry Workshop in your title. The poems appear in the Stream and this will remind those non-participants that it is part of the workshop.

The discussion will start by talking about and comparing the differences in definitions of these four types of Japanese poetry.

Blog: http://www.neopoet.com/barbara-writes/blog/sat-2012-06-02-1010