I love you more than I can take,
it scares me more than anything.
Love is the scariest adventure
but its one I've dreamed to make.
When you leave, will it be worth it?
The fall in all.
When you return, will it be okay?
In your arms again for a few days.
Fearing the fall, because you leave.
Fearing it all, due to risks I've yet to take.
Last Few Words: I know it isn't very well, or much at all. However, I'm currently having emotional overload and knew writing always helped me before and could very well help me now. Basically, I just put my fears of love into poem form in hopes of getting over them some. Didn't work very well.
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
i like the theme and subtext
the write itself is a little wordy, with the excessive repeating of words - too much for such a small write (imho of course)
here is my interpretation/ suggestion... hope it helps
my unbearable love for you
scares me more than anything.
I've ever dreamed to be
a daunting adventure
when you leave, will it be worth it?
when you return, will it be okay
once i'm in your arms again for a few days
but fearing the autumn, because you leave
and due to risks I've yet to take?
if i have overstepped your boundaries by re-arranging your poem, i apologise :)
love judyxx
A catharsis...
it certainly seems to be. Funny, how one can love so much, that it can scare you. I'm sure that anyone who reads this will feel a bit of empathy for your fear. However, as you point out, if you do not risk it, you will never know. Keep writing, keep on trying to find your voice. You will get where you want to go. ~ Gee
P.S. So nice to see you back!
Pleased to meet you ANC1996
I'm with Judyanne on this one. The content is there in abundance, but oft-used words distract from the poem's strong suit: The universality of feeling we loving beings share, which becomes a security and partnership we fear losing with a horrific intensity. Here is probably the most accurate poem I've written about lost love. I hope you enjoy it.
Ron
Blue Demon77
KDT 2
-
-
Goodbye my love
our times have come and gone
we passed through a luxuriant hallway
filled with obstacles and end tables
wall mounted swords on mahogany and velvet
as red as the candles we've burned
as red as the blood from my finger
as you drew it across your lips
The color seemed to suit you
-
-
-
Goodbye my thirst
loosed in a large room
had you named a foe, I would have fought
when you sat to the side to watch
mat-beat and sore
I saw the exit approaching
I tried to hold your hand in that last second
-
-
-
Goodbye my friend
enveloped in grey solitude
I could throw myself away to attempt
one last gasp
one last grasp
one last rasp
your hand open, expensive lotion
an end
-
-
My hand covered my heart
what hurts the most calls out
-
We did what we did, as we should've
-
The luminous moon claims its children.
ANC
Maybe the love that you feel or see, is not real for you to be.
It holds your thoughts at bay, and lets you down, a fall to the ground.
There are so many things that you can do, the best is live a life that only you.
Can love always, no matter what comes your way, sometimes not smooth.
But there we say, it is a beautiful journey each and every day.
Don't throw your emotions at things, give them with meaning,
Yours, Dr Sparrow