My Quill

Without you
I'm living in a hollow
nothing satisfies
my thoughts
are shallow.

After you
I'm unable
to draw a smile
or depict sorrow.

My words
contain no spirit
they scarcely
dance slow
without you-fellow.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

love it rula

well presented, short, to the point, but with a depth of emotion covered in both text and subtext

one small suggestion (lol suggestion only)
'After you
I'm unable
to draw a smile
or even show sorrow'
- 'show sorrow' - as you are using a writing analogy, what do you think of
'paint sorrow' or 'sketch sorrow'?

also
'My words
have no spirit in' - not particularly good grammar
- you don't need the 'in', 'have no spirit' alone works better - or you could say 'contain no spirit'

love judy
xxx

Your suggestion are always

Welcomed and I Love 99.9% of them..:)

I've changed to "depict" , fits?

works well

:)
xxx

0.1% here lol

A lovely piece young Lady, it is un-complicated and pure in its presentation..
I look forward to some of your deeper pieces that will question us, and make us race on,
Yours Ian.T

complicated or not

It is not complication that I'm after, never had been:-)
I like to write whatever the heart
Wished others to hear

And here it is
when you go deep

Thanks dear Ian. Happy to hear from you.