docmaverick
docmaverick
Jul 01, 2012

Whispers from the Rain

I fell for my first girl
way back in the 5th grade,
she's long gone, without a glimpse back!
My passionate memories will never fade.

Been wondering how things could've gone
had youth not caused us to refrain;
if I listen past the echoes
I can see the whispers from the rain.

~

My father was my hero
the very bravest man I know,
he volunteered in spite of
the painful tests he'd undergo.

There was a lot of useful data
so, he didn't die in vain;
when I look just past the shadows
I can hear the whispers from the rain.

~

My features have been whittled down
by time and gravity, a peg.
I have to squint to see, read lips to hear;
most the time someone's pulling my leg!

I hope time has a conscience
and lets me die 'for I go insane;
when I call from beyond our reflection
I can feel the whispers in the rain.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Written for a contest. Had to fill in the "rain" part of the above sentence.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: The High Desert, in the wild west, southern California, U.S. of A.., USA

Favorite Poets: Keates

More from this author

Comments

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 10 months ago

This has come from the heart and the whispers are real, that this was for a comp well I wonder how you got on????
The theme was broken up into the three main parts not sure if they held together that well..
I think that a poem on each of the three parts whould be fine yet there is that whisper that holds these three together in that it seems that in the theme these are the paramount feelings and things you would most like to retrace,
The last line in the first part could have been the first line of that section it would have fitted the rest of the work, Yours Ian.T