Inquiry

Inquiry by RW

I cleanly left the rectory.
I pray for souls which burn at me.
I flagellate till flesh turns free.
Dichotomy. Dichotomy.

This angel takes which road for now?
Unsure at which his knees should bow
A servent, supplicant or cow
God show him how, God show him how

A burning fills his abdomen
inside a hunger deep within
a boy pledged past to be nomen
a roaring djinn, a roaring djinn

Olden path breaths same routinely
New Emeralds glimmer greenly
heart cries out for that unseemly
flesh obscenely, flesh obscenely

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This is a Monotetra form poem. It felt as pent up as its' subject matter.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Columbus, Ohio, USA

Favorite Poets: Rimbaud

Comments

The theme,

The theme was a little discerning but very gripping. Language is good apart from to many I's in the first verse ( try praying and as i for the 2nd and 3rd lines respectively ). If you can write this good i'm sure you can find a stronger title. I like this a lot as i can feel the poem's cotradictions, as i don't believe in god i've got to say the protaganist must rely on faith for answers. A very good poem with just a few blips as far as i can see. But there are some great poets here on Neopoet, who can help so i would not be in too much of a hurry to change. I think this is the first time i've commented on your work, if so, a heartfelt welcome to Neopoet. Regards Roscoe..

Thanks Roscoe!

I greatly appreciate your quality critique. The issues with the I's in the first quatrain I'm very conscious of. It's the character speaking. This however reveals I switch from a first person narrative in Quatrain 1 to a third person narrative afterward. I'll still be working on it. I am a reviser by nature. : ) Thanks for the kind welcome!

Ron
Blue Demon77

Ok,

so I just fell in love with the monotetra. I'm off to write one. From what I see here, your last stanza seemed to be half a foot short of the required.

The form is strikingly beautiful. I will write one.

Glad you like the form William!

Yeah, it's a pleasure to know I've inspired you even by simply exposing you to the form. Monotetra is not something I find terribly difficult as forms go but somehow the form innately leads to the ability of 4th quatrain lines of incredible power.

Ron
Blue Demon77