William Saint George

Jun 06, 2012

This poem is part of the workshop:

Rhyme Crimes

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Description: This workshop’s goals are three fold.

The first will be to expose the participant to the wide array of rhyme types available to the poet beyond that known as “proper rhyme” (which will be described fully in the workshop’s first essay). Each day of the first two weeks I will introduce and describe one of the more esoteric rhyme types for discussion in preparation for part three.

The second will be to explain (and enforce within the confines of the workshop) the technical parameters involved with common rhyme. For the purposes of our exercise this most widely used of rhyme types will be referred to as “proper” though its names in English are manifold including, but not limited to: “authentic”, “classic”, “traditional”, “perfect” and more. Being the most used of all rhyme forms it is of course also the most abused and this workshop will attempt to clarify what makes a proper rhyme and what does not.

The third will be to construct a minimum of three short poems. The first poem will correctly utilize proper rhyme. The other two poems will employ two of the other rhyme types discussed in part one. To assure the participant is fully immersed in the challenge, the third rhyme type will be chosen for the poet by the workshop’s leader (that would be me).
An optional challenge (which would relieve the poet from producing multiple poems) will allow the poet to write a single poem using three types of rhyme within one piece. Although this sounds quite difficult (even revolutionary), it is quite common in the poetry of Pope, Dunne, Dryden, Shakespeare and Byron to name but a few.

Please remember to put Rhyme Crimes Workshop in the title when you post your submissions because they appear on the Stream, so that people critiquing can know the context of the poem.

Leader: Wesley Snow
Moderator(s): Stan Holliday/Judyanne

Objectives: The final objective is to leave the poet with a better understanding of the mechanics of rhyme, including the depth of variation in rhyme schemes and thereby be able to recognize when the “rules” are being broken and how an informed bending or breaking of these rules can add or detract from the poet’s work.

Level of expertise: Olympic Pool

Subject matter: Rhyme

This workshop is closed.

The Queen (Rhyme Crimes Workshop #1)

The Queen between the shades of night
and walls of everlasting light
stands silent, as the teeming throng
of subjects good, one million strong

break into chorus, note by note,
of canticles they learned by rote;
they bless her reign with lifted cry
beneath her banner and the sky.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Perfect rhyme, for "Rhyme Crimes" workshop. Wes, I couldn't find the workshop in the combo box below.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Ghana, GHA

Favorite Poets: William Shakespeare

Comments

the workshop is there william

have another look

perfect rhyme :)
except 'throng / strong' - the vowel sounds aren't allowed to be preceded by the same consonant - remember?

i love the internal rhyme here in 'The Queen between the shades of night'

love judy
xxx

Ok...

let me see if I got this right:

the vowel sound here is "o", in "ong". The consonant we're talking about - that should not be the same - is the "r",
I thought we if these were different: "thr" and "str", then we have perfect rhyme.

Thanks for the help, but now I wonder how I'm going to edit it without re-writing the whole poem.

don't bother

we’re really only doing this exercise to show we all know what ‘proper’ rhyme is. and this would only be pulled up by the orthodox, as with the rule of the rhyme not allowed to be part of its partner eg ‘ball / all’
- a very minor thing, but interesting to know and to know to avoid if ever writing verse that is strict - eg sonnet

th -R- ong
st -R - ong
as i understand it the consonant that is before the vowel sound has to be different
xxx

oh i just realised

you'll have to wait for wesley - where-ever he is lol - to come back and add your name to the workshop, then it'll be in the dropdown thingy for you...
xx

hello

This might not technically be perfect rhyme but that kinda depends on which expert definition one reads. In any case it's pretty darn close and definitely close enough for most writing..........I refer you to Norton's Anthology of poetry "If the correspondence of rhyming sounds is exact it is called perfect rhyme" . Notice not one mention of required preceeding consonants................stan BTW I will be selling tickets to the fight this is likely to cause lol.....

Thanks for the help Stan. My

Thanks for the help Stan. My head spins a bit, so I'll look up Norton's and compare to what we've discussed so far in the workshop, just so I still keep the entire picture in mind.

As for that fight...already in line at the gate! :D

What Judy said.

Stan will be tugging on us over this throughout, so don't sweat it. I'll go look up Norton's too and see just what rhyme he's discussing.
In one sense it is absolutely correct. If the "sound" is the same, it rhymes.
The "proper" rhyme (for the sake of semantics here... there are a massive list of names the so called- "common" or "commonest" rhyme is called. "Proper" was chosen randomly by me to have a name to call it common to the workshop.
As for the consonant sound, I stick to my guns. Here though is a reason why we even consider something like this.

One of the poet's most pervasive and evil antagonist is- redundancy. If we use the same word twice in too few lines it lends to that feeling of repetitiveness we try to avoid as it lends a dulling effect to everything we write.
What is the single most repetitive aspect of rhymed poetry?

Rhyming.

Here we are attempting to twist hula hoops around our bodies in an attempt to not repeat something and we are now DELIBERATELY placing like sounds at the ends (or elsewhere) of our lines to aid in the creation of some "musical" effect more than half of us feel is unnecessary.
If we can avoid some of this, shall we?
"throng/strong/wrong/prong"
or
"throng/song/thong/tong"

Just a thought.
The purpose here was simply to ascertain that everyone understands the semantics. Follow mine simply because that is the temporary "rule" I have set for the workshop, but one of the specifics I was hoping to demonstrate with this workshop is that there are more ways to rhyme than cavities in grandpa's mouth.
And I will be dragging you through the swamp of these variations if I can just get my computer to keep working and my responsibilities at the AC appropriately revisited.

Good poem though, but of course you know the subject matters that will suck me in.
wesley