two little babies
different in appearance
but loved both the same
Jun 01, 2012
Two Little Babies (a haiku)
About This Poem
Review Request Direction: How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
two little babies
different in appearance
but loved both the same
Review Request Direction: How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
hello
nice one..
it could also be done like
two little babies
each beautiful in their way
both so lovable
Cute
I feel this doesn't capture the the spirit of haiku, or being about people, senryu.
haiku uses an extreme concision of word and imagery to create a sum immeasurably greater than the whole. There is also generally a hiatus, similar to the 'volta' in sonnets, where the idea is given a variation that introduces a complexity of idea or emotion.
Haiku form
Since haiku is seasonal and about nature in its form, just as Jess said it dosen't capture haiku essence. There are many books on haiku and website that will help aid you. Thereby showing you the differences.
hello and welcome
The per line syllable count is correct but I think if you check that Haiku should be nature related and usually deals with a change based on seasons. stan
poetess, try again!
you started well, despite criticism.
Consider haiku and senryu as a way a distilling words to their most potent meaning,
or arranging tiny gems into a piece of transcendent beauty.
I wish you and Wesley especially to read this feedback.