judyanne

May 21, 2012

satori

when mind overflows
and being is exhausted
endless emptiness

mental upheaval
intuitive new insight
awakens essence

as water to ice
sweeps into textual change
altered awareness

exultation, rest
touching the destination
momentarily

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many

Comments

insightful

I like the poem. Would enjoy seeing your take on aware.

the first crocus

piercing winters blanket

brings satori

thank you bryan

i have swapped the first two around - i think it flows a bit better

i love yours

and - lol - i'll ponder 'aware' :)
love judy
xxx

hi again brian

done my thinking - and i think i agee with jess
using the word kills it a little imho
xxx - just me though

perhaps something like
'a bulb of new light' ??

love judy
xxx

bryan, on your 'aware'

brings satori feels a bit heavy handed.
Perhaps
illuminates
or
all is clear

oh, so cool, our lady of words

only the line
reaches sudden freezing point
feels a bit clunky, both in structure and meaning, the state change is almost never sudden, even though the temperature is critical, sudden. Perhaps
critical state change
?

This is superb ,superb

This is superb ,superb judyanne,

I specially love:-

"as water to ice
reaches sudden freezing point
altered awareness"

breathtaking...

annanya :)

thank you annanya

lol - isn't it funny - that very stanza i am working on for change as per jess' suggestions
and i think he is right.

some thoughts i've had for the middle line
any preferences to help me out here?

at critical change of state
reaches/ achieves a textual change
sweeps into textual change
sweeping into transition