Affirmed (feedback workshop)

Fun poem. At first I thought it was going to deal with how ephemeral "now" is but the last verse clarified it to decry the short shelf life of good ideas..Now a few ideas :
L-2 try and became when.......gives a better feel of the change being beyond control
L-3 try yesterday tics into...........maybe a better feel of time passing
S-2,L-4 this seems pretty forced. I leave it to you to better convey your meaning
last line maybe change dated to outdated?
But these ideas are only that. This was a good poem.....or is.......or will be? lol.............stan

the ' now ' departed
turned into ' then '
yesterday becomes
a remote ' when '

once so fresh
now so obsolete
ideas of mine
I won't delete...may be (shan't) perhaps

I thought them through
as I have stated..........(already) stated
I refuse to see them
as a death now slated

for by whose rule
was it debated
that good ideas
(become dated?..).have now been outdated

'''''''''Only my views
could be simply washed away
with a tear shed
to be donated by me '''''

the concept of time always intrigues me
and this write is a great questioning of the ‘dating’ of everything..

I wouldn’t change a word of
the "now" departed
turned into "then"
yesterday becomes
a remote "when"
but I would take out the quotation marks…. they seem to take one’s attention away from the words
just imo

‘as a death now slated’ just seems a little awkward (to me I stress)
perhaps you might think of
‘with death now slated’ ?

and
‘become dated’
this line seems a little short to my ear
also you have used ‘become’ in the first stanza
can I suggest something like
‘devolve to dated’ ?

as I said I really like the concept behind this write
time is a very interesting entity and I have written much on it myself

I love the rhythm
and the rhyme scheme is great
love judy
xxx
‘

who listens
and
then says
Hark Who?
You!

we all are at the abyss of creativity
and
the monstrosity of minds
does overwhelm
and
in spurts of natural volition ...poets vomit ...what their inner's churn
and
we all poets... from others' experiences
do and must /ought to learn

hello Cat
I think I am left with nothing to suggest .
I really liked the opening stanza
as well as the theme..I thought it is amazing !!

I only thought of making your 4 line stanzas in couplets but think it is only me ,
I really like it the way you did.

P.S..Sorry I am late. I was occupied with that sonnet to be submitted before I am
too late.

love the edit
- maybe it needs a question mark at the end?

this is a great read
i enjoyed seeing how it evolved
love judy
xxx