judyanne
judyanne
May 20, 2012

A Nurse's Privilege

I sit with him. He has no family
No-one should ever die alone
I hold his hand to comfort me
He searches for direction Home

Both wife and children left before him
He stayed for years with loved ones gone
and felt the bars of life's hard prison
in what to him felt like an aeon

I met him in his winter years
He was a kindly, spritely soul
We talked for hours, mixed laughter, tears
became fast friends, as if of old

Now, past all speech and conversation
here, quietly waiting twilight's dark
I sit in, as his loved relation
while brilliance slowly fades to spark

~~~~~~~~~

I sit with him because he has no family
No-one should ever have to die alone
I hold his hand, perhaps to comfort me
He searches for his own direction Home

Both wife and children left this world before him
He stayed around for years with loved ones gone
and felt the bars of livings’ harsher prison
in what to him, each day, felt like an aeon

I met him in his later winter years
He was a kindly, still yet spritely soul
We talked for hours and mixed our laughter, tears
as we became fast friends, as if of old

But now, we’re past all speech and conversation
While here we quietly wait for twilight's dark
I sit in, proxy, as his loved relation
keep watch, while brilliance slowly fades to spark

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many

More from this author

Comments

temidayo

I felt this so. You claim credit for the write but it plays before my eyes like a movie i have watched roll through reels. Maybe its my line of work the labs. Queue of the sick. White coats,drawn screens. Hmmm this piece sends me through corridors of health facilities. Ah I prefer this man with a family gone home earlier before him than a man who was deserted by family and friends. This one evokes more pity for me. Its also good as a shot piece. I like it. Cheers

Esker

Esker

12 years 11 months ago

still some left
karma pushes people away or choice
hold down the fort and be the last one

but nice to have company
of all the hardcore independent ones I met
I sat with them near the end at fires
on the phone for a short time

stayed out of the battles waged
and there were many

i did not go to my parents at the end
my sister and brother were there for that
they were the favourites
told them I loved them Mom and Dad
on seperate calls
and that was that

the walls come down sometimes and
people come in
never knowing who they shall be
the human touch found is all
that needs to be

a moving poem
Thank You

S

One of the many reasons to admire health care workers. A heart felt poem. Now one question : why change rhyme scheme in stanza 3 and 4? Also last stanza line 1 I would use awaiting...............stan

judyanne

lol i didn't change the rhyme scheme in the third and fourth stanzas (but i had an 's' in the last line of the second stanza which did affect that one, i've changed that now, thanks to your pointing it out in a serendipity kind of way for i saw it as i checked the rhyme)
- but i am at a loss where you think it changes....

and thanks for the word change suggestion - but yet again stan you haven't taken iambic into consideration :)

love judy
xxx

Linda Moses

like you I have sat with many of Gods' fading souls. Nursing is more than a profession, it is a calling. Once a nurse always a nurse.

I liked this write
It does seeem that the last stanza the 4th line should be where 3rd line is and visa-versa

Love, Linda

judyanne

i'll contemplate your suggestion - i quite like it
i would have to change the order of the stanza to

'now, past all speech and conversation
here, quietly waiting twilight's dark
I sit in, as his loved relation
While brilliance slowly fades to spark

- although i like your way's end line power, i wonder if it doesn't cause the write to lose some of the text of the title

hopefully someone else will give me an opinion

thanks so much linda for your time and comments
love judy
xxx

S

Here is they way I see the rhyme scheme :
s-1 1st 3rd line rhyme
s-2 2nd and 4th line rhyme
s-3 1st and 3rd
s-4 1st and 3rd and 2nd and 4th

the lines not mentioned have near rhymes and that might be what you intended. And you know I'm not a meter stickler so sometimes I suggest things which imho smooth a read but might mess up meter.........stan Ps forgot to mention I liked the poem even though the subject is sad

judyanne

it has to be accents
as far as i am concerned i have used the classic rhyming sceme for rhyming quatrains
first and third lines and second and fourth lines of every stanza rhyme
'prison/him' and 'soul/old' i claim as approximates :)
xxx

S

I'm just not used to seeing perfect and near rhyme intermingled I guess...........stan

judyanne

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out e'en to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

:) :)

Candlewitch

From this write, I glean the knowledge that you are one of the good ones. I'm quite sure you are more than appreciated by your patients and they are most lucky to have you as their nurse. There are so many in the nursing profession who don't belong there, and are doing the job fror the wrong reasons, and with the wrong temperament. Your poem tells me that you have the quality of mind and spirit to do the job justice. My mother was a nurse and we called her the "Nurse from Hell" At the end of her career, she worked private duty nursing for clients through an agency. For rich patients who could afford her, like a maid service for extra care in the nursing home. When she wanted a day off, I took her duty. Her patients always asked her when I would be coming back. Probably because I combed their hair with care and listened with interest to their stories and reminiscences. I saw them as living beings and not just a job. Your loving heart shines through in this poem. I loved all the lines. They brought back happpy memories.

love, Cat

loved

loved

12 years 11 months ago

You inspired me to compose a MONOLOGUE ..Do read it well here and as a poem my Judy Nurse dear.

If I were to have any choice,
ere the end beckons,
I'd opt for you as my nurse
and
as you come closer and clasp my hands,
the warmth shall flow between you and me
then surely death which eludes me
will surely pass by.
even though with kith and kin of my own,
With you I shan't feel alone
the current seeps through my spine
and I erect as before .

Loneliness is a curse
but for those who live lives obscure,
I talk to even pets and feel lonely no more...
I smile and humor with strangers,
treat them with respect,
how so ever different may be our levels
I have no regrets…
they feel me as one

OF THEIR OWN

Despite my affirmed resolutions
should I cease to be?
Friend, Judy to have had my last sojourn with you
shall for memories abide with me,
If as you all insist
we have a soul,
the nurse in the next universe
you shall continue to guide me.

judyanne

I just suggested to stan that pentameter can give a write a gentleness that tetrameter doesn’t
as tetrameter, to me, is a more skipping and cheerful emotion

I have edited this to pentameter as I decided to take my own advice lol

I would be interested on others’ opinions comparing the two ??

thanks
judy
xxx