“Blood on the Snow”
Remember
The lingering sorrow.
Gun blue eyes
Locked
In a moment
When time dared not breathe,
There
Just blossoming,
Love lies bleeding
Ever steady
Softly cocked,
I am felled.
*Love Lies Bleeding is also a flower also know as: Amaranths
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Dear Rosina,
Thank you for reading and commenting! I always enjoy your visits to my page.
love, Cat
Cat
Cat,
the shortness of this piece is what makes the impact. There is so much that can be imagined here: the why, why, how...etc.
You have given nothing away and that secrecy makes it so intriguing.
I have never heard the expression 'gun blue eyes'...but I think the gun could be an important part of the write so I wouldn't change it.
One suggestion, how about:
Locked 'IN' a moment, rather than locked 'ON' a moment. I only say that because you've used the 'ON' in the title already. I suppose then you could consider leaving that line and changing the title to Blood 'IN' the snow?
Just thoughts.
Short and punchy and leaves me with a vivid image of dark red blood in/on the pure driven snow.
regards,
HS
Dear Dan,
What would I do without your discerning eye? I think your suggestion has improved this short piece. Thank you!
love, Cat
Dear Cat
in my opinion "lingering sorrow" is a king pin in this masterpiece which holds the rest of the pieces so wonderfully....
always a learning experience to read your poems...
warmly..
Thank you, Raj
Glad to hear what is liked about my poems. Thanks for visiting my page!
always, Cat
Cat
I bow to your talent, if only I had a fraction of what you possess. A fantastic poem.
Lou
Dear Lou,
Aw shucks mam, you make my little heart glad. You have plenty of talent, so don't let anybody tell you differently!
love, Cat
Dear Yenti,
You have a deep understanding of this piece. I am so pleased that you came by to read.
love, cat
Cat
I read this as a frozen moment in time:
It isn't entirely clear, and that may be intentional, but this appears to be a metaphorical reference intertwined with more physical imagery.
The imagery of the spreading blood red stain on white snow is very graphically dramatic.
Very beautifully executed, overall.
Psyve
Dear Psyve,
"As a frozen moment in time", what a lovely description, and how apt! Falling in love is not always desirable, this piece addresses that. I always enjoy your comments as they are so thoughtful. Please do visit me again.
always, Cat
Blood on the snow.....few
Blood on the snow.....few images are as starkly naked with emotion.
Well done, Cat! And I like *as a moment frozen in time*, Psyve. It's a full stop moment for me.... one that draws me into that silence.
~A
Thank You Anna,
I feel this is one piece I can be proud of. Thank you for your appreciation and lovely note!
love, Cat
Cat
you just have a way of taking something so beautiful as a flower and showing it's death as a tragedy and comparing it to the loss of human life. the flower lives in its own world, but you bring it into ours like an equal and we mourn its death as one of our own family. nothing is more graphic then blood red stained snow, because the imagination sees the saddnes in it.
a superb write as usual.
Always Eddie
Dear Eddie
I'm so glad that you appreciated the comparison. Thank you so much for telling me what you liked about this piece. A visit from you to my pages is always welcome.
Always, Cat
Dear Jayne,
So lovely to see you here on my page. I'm so glad you enjoyed the change!
love, Cat
Hello Shirl!
Thank you! I hope you are doing well and not to sad at being far from home during the holiday season.
love, Cat