A Brief Passing

I saw you today
for only a brief moment as you drove by-
maybe on your way to work,
or to the grocery store,
or to the place you've begun to call home.
Anywhere but to be with me.

I saw you today
and it brought a flood of memories-
of long late night talks,
of walking to the bus stop
on chilly mornings,
of singing My Chemical Romance
at the top of our lungs.

I saw you today
and wondered if this would be the last time.
Is this the last image I'd ever have of you?
A flash of unruly hair and glasses,
distracted by something in the rear view mirror?
Or would you come back out of the blue
and these feelings I have become long forgotten?

I saw you today,
but you didn't see me.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This isn't my most relate-able poem in my opinion because of the specific memories in the second stanza. Do you think I should change it to be more general or should I keep it as is?

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Indiana, USA

Favorite Poets: Gabriel Gadfly

Comments

thanks. i agree that poetry

thanks. i agree that poetry should come from inside and this definitely came from inside. thanks for the encouragement.

that means so much to me! i

that means so much to me! i really want my writing to have an effect on readers so that is so reassuring. thanks so much!

Anna

I was in the character's shoes all the while I read that.
Loved it.

thanks so much

i love to hear that you guys can relate to it.

an excellent write anna

a couple of tiny things
and it brought to me a flood of memories' - i'd drop the 'to me'

'and I wondered if this would be the last time.' - i'd lose the 'I'

''Or would you come back out of the blue
and these feelings I have would become long forgotten?'
- i'd lose the second 'would'

heartfelt - i could really put myself in the narrator's place
- i imagine everyone who has ever loved and lost (and that HAS to be everyone) can relate to this poem

the title is perfect
love judy

thank you for the pieces of

thank you for the pieces of constructive criticism. I'll definitely fix it. I really appreciate everyone reassuring me that it is relate-able because that is my main goal in my poetry.