PianoBoy
Apr 26, 2012

Exaggeration

Quickly running.
Sprinting through the forest of despair.
My chaser shows a measurable cunning.
My legs will quit, but I won't dare.

Many a branch flitting past me.
Leaves are crushed beneath my feet.
Swimming through the Sea of Many Tree.
It seems he has reserved for me a seat.

Brightly colored fruits bound upon tall plants.
A summer of metaphorical beauty.
The clouds trudging through the sky like ants.
The strength of my will is its duty.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Florida

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allen Poe

More from this author

Comments

K

I've been reading your stuff, PianoBoy. You have good lines, thoughts, themes and they work wonderfully as rhyme. However, I ask why you choose that form to *poetically* speak? Is it natural evolution?

~A

The last line is its not it's (a contraction for it is).

weirdelf

just a few hints
Leaves deteriorating underneath my feet.
slows the pace down too quickly
Leaves are crushed beneath my feet.

Actually that all.
That last line is brave and I salute you.

Ian.T

That you have received a good comment from Jess is good indeed and we are taken by your use of words and flow.
The next step is to polish your work by joining in a workshop or two but take it step at a time, as I think I have said many times the workshops run by Jess are fine try one of the pools first, get to know the others then begin to finely tune your words and formats, Yours Ian.T