scribbler
Apr 23, 2012

WIND's PURPOSE

In dark wee hours of the morn
a blustery wind howls at the window
attempting to shake loose the panes
and warm itself inside.

Abed, I snuggle deeper
beneath the quilted warmth
like a squirrel in its leafy nest
on verge of drifting off to a troubled slumber
awaiting a possible late frost.
The farmers' bane.

But just before my weary self
enters the land of unmet fantasies
I realize the forceful wind,
the frail plants' friend,
will likely ward the frost away
as it rattles an un-pruned limb
stattico
against my abode
of dreams.

* another venture beyond rhyme

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost

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Comments

Eduardo Cruz

I like that you have been writing in FV.
I think I can make a good critic of this without offending you, so here goes.

In wee hours of the morn
a blustery wind
howls at the window
attempting to shake loose the panes
and warm itself inside

Abed, I snuggle deeper
beneath the quilted warmth
like a squirrel in its leafy nest
on verge of drifting off to slumber
awaiting possible late (seasons) frost
the farmers' bane- (I get where you’re going, but the line threw me off.
I don’t think you need it)

But just before my weary self
enters the land of unmet fanasties “fantasies” (correction)
I realize the forceful wind
the frail plants' friend
will likely ward the frost away
as it rattles an unpruned (un-pruned) limb
(hard Against my window screen.)
Of dreams

In the end it is just an opinion to a friend.

Eddie

Eduardo Cruz

I like that you have been writing in FV.
I think I can make a good critic of this without offending you, so here goes.

In wee hours of the morn
a blustery wind
howls at the window
attempting to shake loose the panes
and warm itself inside

Abed, I snuggle deeper
beneath the quilted warmth
like a squirrel in its leafy nest
on verge of drifting off to slumber
awaiting possible late (seasons) frost
the farmers' bane- (I get where you’re going, but the line threw me off.
I don’t think you need it)

But just before my weary self
enters the land of unmet fanasties “fantasies” (correction)
I realize the forceful wind
the frail plants' friend
will likely ward the frost away
as it rattles an unpruned (un-pruned) limb
(hard Against my window screen.)
Of dreams

In the end it is just an opinion to a friend.

Eddie

S

Those double posts are a real pain aren't they lol. And I don't think I've Ever been offended by a well intentioned suggestion. Went ahead and corrected misspells (thanks).I'm giving adding "season's" serious consideration.Going to leave in the farmers' bane line.
against my abode
of dreams
vs,
hard abainst my window screen
of dreams............My window screen of dreams? I guess I'll pass on that lol...........stan PS but I'm considering adding "hard" to beginning of that line

Nordic cloud

The and of Unmet fantasies- could be a new title for a book, coining a new word here?

Dawn breezes whips the glass
sweeping frail frosts
farmers fantasy abed

No I can't at the moment that's not good,
but I like the three elements in this poem.

And the bane of farmers is dead right just there too.

"In wee hours of the morn" has a ....about it?

Is this prose poetry as it has a slight feeling
of leaning towards prose as opposed to poetry?

Ann.

S

I guess it might just walk within the grey area between poetic prose and free verse. To me the thing that most clearly separates the two is presotation of form. But as I've stated many a time I'm not expert and especially not in free verse...........stan

loved

Like a squirrel in its leafy nest

In Canada daily I observe
squizzies
out in the open
rain,
snow,
sunshine
and
be it frosty wind
at jet speed
They love it and I grin ..

But I read this poem
thinking twas one of humour
your kind wind>>>...!!!

Rula

in closing your piece, in which I always struggle.
Rula

S

I'm unsure how many poem I have sitting around awaiting a good ending so don't feel alone about your struggle. Thanks for the visit..........stan

Roscoe Lane

What ever you aimed for, i think you've crafted another cracker. I feel a sense of calm as i read this, as with most of your poetry. Regards Roscoe.

S

I'll assume a cracker is a good thing lol. And the feeling of peace just as one nods off Is what I hoped for. We all have enough turmoil in our lives for me to write stuff describing it all the time................stan

Ian.T

You write, We enjoy, there's not much more to say on this one apart from that the squirrel can sleep in its Drey or is nest OK ?????

drey - A squirrel's nest of twigs in a tree. See also related terms for twigs.
Hey see how I can look up words now aint I clever sometimes,
Yours Sparrow

S

during the months which aren't so cold squirrels actually build and sleep within nests they build of leaves. So down here we just call them nests. Drey is not a term I'd heard for them before. Reckon I'll save it for later use............stan PS You can always tell those who Use their thesarus lol

Ian.T

A little Bird told these things to me, when I use to walk in the countryside as a child.
Drey's, rookery, set's and many names were given to me, I lived in those ways and even now many of the words I knew are no longer used.
We use to call the milking parlour the Skilling's but the word has dropped out of use, and today only on a cottage conversion from a milking parlour to a holiday let has the word come up they call the place "The Skilling's" I couldn't believe that I was so old as to know a word that has been dropped from the Oxford Dictionary, LOL , Yours Ian.T

S

Must Both be getting old as I also recall some now defunct words : gwine - going to, nary- hardly....all I can think of off top of hollow head........stan

Eumolpus

I would like to just look at the logic of events, to try to get to the guts of your meaning-
First we are introduced to a wind which seeks to warm itself- a personification of the wind.
We then encounter you snuggling in bed. But before you can enter the world of dreams you realize the wind is a friend to the "frail" plants...here i lost it. How could this cold blustery wind be a friend to the frail plants?? I think the wind needs to be a lot warmer, a lot softer, if it would "ward the frost away/
as it rattles an un-pruned limb/against my abode/ of dreams." Going back to the title, I am not feeling what the purpose of the wind is in this context.

S

On nights when the temps are in the low thirties in the time of year when trees and such are blooming a wind can actually keep a frost from forming and killing the blossoms. Have you never noticed that no matter how cold a night might be if the wind blows there is little or usually no frost on your wind shield?I may be assuming too much of readers by assuming they are aware of this. In any event I'm in the beginning stage of actually changing this to western classic which will be pretty drastic so I will keep your input in mind during this major rewrite.

Eumolpus

Yes i didn't have that knowledge and I think it's not a commonly known weather effect...
I would consider also changing the title to Purpose of the Wind as wind's purpose is a bit awkward.
Have you also considered the "logic" of events...do you have a clear feeling of what you want to say about the purpose of the wind, or are you looking for that to answer itself through the carving of the stone?