themoonman
themoonman
Apr 14, 2012

Curtain Call

He loves to play the martyred artist,
nails the role in DeNiro style,
stigmatas the tune like the matador,
maligning his own equator ...

and she,
she prefers the cause of the underdog,
weaving words to suit convictions,
well formed trickery, spellbound witchery,
and meaningless just the same.

The prima donna agenda
the need to feel splendid
pole dancing Sabbath
center stage habits

and those two,
they got to have it.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

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Comments

judyanne

the first thing i noticed about this richard was the rhythm
so well done to fit the descriptive

the opening lines drew the reader (lol - me) in immediately
and the whole write is awesome - really nothing to crit,

trying to pick favourite lines - almost impossibe. but apart from the first two which i love mostly for the rhythm and the picture they conjure
perhaps
'The prima donna agenda
the need to feel splendid
pole dancing Sabbath
center stage habits'

lol - are you talking about anyone i know?
love judy
xx

themoonman

How've ya been doing? I've seen you on the site lately
but I haven't commented much but intend to remedy that,
I read one of your pieces earlier, The breath of Blood ... what
a great title and the poem was a real depiction of the blood
letting (what a weird world we live in ehh) ... I've written a few
on that same subject, seems we all know someone who knows
someone ...

This poem was originally about a musician and a girl I know
but the theme is wide so that most of us can point out someone
this reminds us of.

glad you liked it Judy, thanks !

Richard

judyanne

so glad you liked my poem the breath of blood
it is a very weird world with a lot of strange and often cognitively compromised if not downright unbalanced people in it richard

but - as you say, everyone knows someone who knows someone that...(fill in the blank)
i know a lot of people who live in their little box and don't see this life - think is just tv or movies or books
staying in their little vibe where it is safe - i envy them in a way, the world is rosy for them

people like me are thrust into it with our professions

it's great to be back for a bit... nice to see you
and i enjoyed your write again while i was here :)
love judy
xx

Candlewitch

I am astounded... don't quite know what to say as it reminds me of two people (on here, or at least one still is) whom I love dearly.

always, Cat

oreoaddict

I know I'll get hell for how the point of this comment is derived, but here goes:

For some obscure discriminatory reason, of late, perhaps because I have found few worthy of my attention, I have been confident that the contemporary male gender was not capable of creating poetry... his mind engaged more in the 'final outcome' of his art than in the means to the end. You Richard, here and on one other occasion that I can remember precisely have proven me wrong.

Your words are 'raw', like a pathologist over a microscope carelessly dictating the Stage III cancer cells from an anxious young woman's tissue sample into his microphone. In this work, there is the sense of precision with final clarity of a motivation to satisfy a selfish agenda. More importantly, you have turned a great poem into a superior work of art, completely unexpected with 8 simple one syllable words at the end.

Might I however mention one word that threw me. 'stigmatas'

You use this word as a verb derived from a noun that is often construed as a significant symbol upon whom of which the symbol is bestowed. You have made the 'tune' stand out as a martyr and the martyr in turn as the matador. I totally get what you're trying to do, but the 3rd line defies your point.

Otherwise...freaking outstanding.

OREO

themoonman

Wow, can't say I've ever had a response quite
like that, I really don't know what to say but I sure
am glad you commented.

Stigmata ... words, I love em, some more than others.
martyr and stigmata are in direct conflict, but I can't help
but love it being there, that word has been many in the
two years I've had this poem in my files and it's not written
in stone just yet.

Glad to meet you Oreo !

Richard

Eduardo Cruz

This is very interesting, the fact that it shows the ego in to different being. Yet the call in them is the same. Your literation is perfect. There a certain thing here on how it was written that I can't put my finger on.
Great subject matter.
Bravo!!

Eddie
...

Eduardo Cruz

the rhythm is captivating and carried me to the end so smoothly.
I think that the workshops here are working. I see it in the way people are writing now. (METER)

Eddie

Esker

funny how it shifts like sandbars sometimes
Castles on the Sand

like Charleton Heston finding the statue of liberty on the beach

I keep going working what I find along the way for myself too
flexible sanity I find is the best
Tinfoil hats are okay
but maybe if the sattelites are listening I want them to hear
my propaganda

Your Listening to Radio Wolfie!!

Thank You

Barbara Writes

The lazy me has arrive
Seeking not to check archives
For insight to unfamiliar scripts

Good write, well describes someone unfavorably noted. Though I can't see anyone here it would fit either.

Linda Moses

well formed trickery, spellbound witchery. Poetic, indeed. You have evolved. Moonman. I wrote this comment to you a minute ago and it did not show up. I wonder who's poem I posted it to.

themoonman

Great to see ya !

lol, I actually saw your post, it's on "The Breath of Blood"
by Judyanne (I bet she was scratchin her head on that one lol)

so glad you liked it Linda,
thank you,

Richard

weirdelf

and, my favourite, compresses meaning. Poetry has to say it in as few words as possible, otherwise write a fucking novel.

I recently read Lord Byron's "Don Juan" and though he is a masterful versifier he is a total wanker in wandering off into whatever pleases his little ego fantasies.

You, on the other hand, are a true poet.

What is this piece? A cameo character sketch? No, much more. We might not relate to the individual characters, but we all relate to the dynamic.

Fucking 'A' mate!