Back and forth and back again
On my swing I'd fly
With my friend the wind
Pushing me higher and higher
Such freedom in flight
Small moments in time of delight
Apr 15, 2012
My Swing
About This Poem
Last Few Words: did do some editing, 04-04 13. Trying to purely capture the feeling I had that day so long ago, but remembered as yesterday. Recently having urgency to reduce all my writes down to bare bone, and still convey my message. working on it.. Linda
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
No comment, just glad to be
No comment, just glad to be back on neopoet. I have missed it.
Linda!
Wow, it's been to long, i am very happy to see an old friend again.
this poem is very sweet, an envoked many childhood memories in me. That freedom that is lost, the pleasure of the little things that cost nothing but my own steam.
Eddie
...
Hey, Eddie
NIce to hear from you. this is the first day I have been back on neopoet. Thank you so much for commenting.
Linda
How nice!
To be born again!
Eddie
...
How many,
How many adults sit on a swing and dream of a childhood past. If only we'd sit on swings more often, or read poems as innocent and good as this.Nice write, good to see you back. Love Roscoe.
Rosco
Thank you so much for the kind comment.
Linda
Rosco
Thank you so much for the kind comment.
Linda
Small moments in time of delight
wonderful last line,
the rest, I'm sure you're aware, is a tad cliched and trite.
But hey. Sometimes that's the only way to express what you feel.
On the other hand, with more lines as potent as the last one, it could be a much better poem.
HI Jess
Thank you for the constructive comments. I will look into one of your workshops
Linda
This has a lovely feeling to
This has a lovely feeling to it,
either it could be made into what they call a haiku,
a very short poem,
ie:
Swung by the wind
on the garden swing how high
I fly.......................................................Ann.
or somehow it needs a little something
added to it, like:-
rock back and forth
like the reeds in the brook by the lane!
I sent you something! :)
Happy quilting, my mother made one f
or one of her grandchildren it took her many many years!!
Yours Ann.
I am trying to make one for
I am trying to make one for each of my grandkids. I am still learnling
Love, Linda
This reminds me of The Swing
This reminds me of The Swing by R.L.Stevenson,
we sang that as children, my mother played the
piano and my sister and I looked over her shoulder
at the words and the pictures in the song book.
You bring back fond memories Linda.
I like yours better in many ways,
making the wind into a friend is more interesting,
hope you work on it, I am sure you can do it.
Ann.