scribbler
Apr 08, 2012

THOUGHTS FROM A BLUFF

As the sun sets in the west
painting sailors' delight for coming day
I stand atop my back yard's bluff
above the pond as shadows play

Bluff casts a line across the water
dividing the opaque from clear
where fish flicker back and forth
as low-light feeding time draws near

As demarcation line advances
and more of the watery world is hidden
thoughts of mortality invade
filling up my mind, unbidden

For sure as dawn brings a new day
one evening will fall on the last
when each of us will fade away
into shade and the forgotten past

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost

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Comments

Nordic cloud

You make me feel that I am the sunset,
but then the sun never sets so perhaps
we rise up from the dead!!

The bluffs, it reminds me of a poem,
was it Mathew Arnold, no, bot sure where,
as the word itself is evocative,
close to the sea or waters (pond)
its sound softly put the scene out of focus,
or soft focus, and becomes slightly dreamy for me!!
I am sure nobody else will feel like this because of that word.

"sailor's delight" by this I take it you mean "red sky at night...." or?

demarkstion-is that German
or does it stand for a war relic on a beach, a bunker?

It is the dark advancing cloud bank that gives you an eerie feeling,
I know that feeling when I loom at the darkening sky banks,
but immortality, that's something else.

Could dawn brings new day, the 'a' seems to lengthen that line for me.

One evening will shadow the last
and become the forgotten past

Just having fun with your words stan,
Ann.

S

I was hopeful that the sailor reference was not too obscure, yes red shy at night ,sailor's delight; red sky at morning sailor take warning. DemarCAtion lol......damned typos!!!...Thanks for coming by and wading through this......stan

Ian.T

Great short piece there loved the painting of the changing colours.
We say here, that red sky at night is shepherds delight, and red in the morning shepherds warning, I wonder how that sailor got in this scene, probably the water lol I will have a word with the script writers ???
Will you stop fading away into the sunset John Wayne has long since gone riding off into the sunset....
I will ask Sadie to make sure we find each other there then you will see symbols and colours never thought of before lol.
Take care young man, Yours Ian

S

Shepherds huh?...... Well I guess we should all beware a red sky morning lol. And I hope to meet many new and old friends when I exit the final corridor......................stan

loved

my breath away
as if I had any of my own to say
Stan,
from your poetic acumen ,
I can't SHUN away
red or white...
sunset or sunrise
Loved and Stan
shall friends for ever stay
RIGHT???
Oh Don't ever say
WRONG

S

Susan sometimes says I take her breath away also but it's usually right after I fart lmao. Thanks for dropping by for a read........stan

S

No pineapple, in fact I've been accused of having been weaned on a pickle lol. Appreciate the visit.......stan

judyanne

favourite lines
'dividing the opaque from clear
where fish flicker back and forth
as low-light feeding time draws near'

beautiful descriptive stan, lovely rhythm

i felt i was there with you watching the approaching darkness, and my heart did a little turn when i felt the 'shadow of the darkness of death'...
well writen
love judy
xxx