emogothgirl
emogothgirl
Mar 03, 2012

For My Walking Space Heater/Teddy Bear/Sun ♥

pretty as the moonlight,
she gave me saturn's rings,
she shines just like the stars at night,
and other shiny things.

a roller coaster's waiting
and the floor's covered in sand,
somehow she finds meaning
in what noone can understand.

i think we might be crazy,
it must be both, you see,
because you MUST be crazy
if you can put up with me!

a little bit of nonsense
and a magic mustard seed,
throw in a few rainbows
and that is all i need.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: complete and total nonsense to everyone but one person XD i love you person!!!

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: somewhere in the middle of the mountains, USA

Favorite Poets: life.

More from this author

Comments

Nordic cloud

Oh the whimsical wobes of poets and odes,
why not blossom out on the next one in full crazy style
how entertaining you have been
roller coasters and Saturn rings
and all those sorts of things
loved this.

Ann.

Geezer

not make sense to anyone who has ever been in love? This shines in the night like a diamond. ~ Gee

Eduardo Cruz

i love this stanza Coney Island just into my mind sand ,stars and all.

"a roller coaster's waiting
and the floor's covered in sand,
somehow she finds meaning
in what noone understands."

I have one problem with the end of this stanza, the meter of the last lins seem to change for me, the stanza is a great one also but I think that something can be done with that last line.

"i think we might be crazy,
it must be both, you see,
because you MUST be crazy
if you can put up with me!"

It kind of drops with the "can put"
just my opinion I thought the poem wonderful

Eddie
...

wesley snow

If you dump "can" in that line it fits the meter easily. Otherwise, I cannot offer you anything insulting. This is a slick poem. wesley

Esker

Esker

13 years 1 month ago

"because YOU must be crazy
Putting up with crazy me"

just realized in thinking that my mom sang songs while working
in our home. Sarah Vaughan and Nat King Cole, country western
crooners (and Boney M in her latter years before cancer)
she was vibrant and talkative and worked hard and it was lyrics
and nursery fable poems that still circulate in my head
(maybe why Shakespeare sounded so familiar in High School)

"throw in a few bright rainbows
this is all I really need !" just my work on your poem
bright and lovely

Thank You!