Carnal grin , a sensuality
that makes me sin.
Out of control
A one to one connection
As I crave the warmth of your skin
Melt down.
Two bodies melding,
pulsating, undulating
as one.
Sample and savour,
I long to drink you in,
for a physical reaction.
Comments
Sounds like an atomic
Sounds like an atomic reaction, waiting to happen.
:-)
On a more personal note, I too, had that incredible desire, need, want.... I am certain that what we want most will most certainly come to be. May the love of your life walk in now.
~
Anna
Thank you , i'm glad that you enjoyed it.
lou
grin
Isn't it odd the messages that can be relayed in " that look "? Line 6 :you might try beginning it with " A " to see if it improves it in your opinion...........................scribbler
Stan and Xena
i used the word grin, because it can convey,wickedness, of many kinds.
thank you
Lou
I wickedly grinned
..as I read this. To quote Xena, "...this is HOT".
Peace,
Lori
Lori
I'm pleased that my poem had the desired effect
Louise
Like sweet arsenic
Like the effect of
sweet bitter arsenic
in orange juice,
they now have discovered
arsenic poison is good too ,
it took them years
to so do
that's how vibrations
in unison help u so
perhaps to orgasm
and avoid arsenic spam
Loved
Thanks
Lou
Lou,
Lou,
Great write indeed and I love the title...it grabs you right away.
I have a suggestion: Every middle line of each stanza, other than stanza two rhymes (sin, undulating, in.). I am not sure that was your intention, but if you re-arrange the second stanza:
A one to one connection
As I crave the warmth of your skin
Melt down.
The whole piece then has a great flow and tempo...trying chanting it out...the rhyming makes it flow and gives it some more energy.
Obviously if you didn't want any rhyme, you may have to change the other verses.
Whatever you do, I think it is great.
I know you pretty well and can understand your thoughts and feelings behind this one.
HS
Longo
Thanks
Thoughts.... to use, or
Thoughts.... to use, or dismiss:
Carnal grin
a sensuality
out of control
I crave you
two bodies melding,
pulsating, undulating
Sampling and savouring
longing to drink you in,
you are my sin.
~Anna
Anna
Thanks I will take look at it
Lou
HS
HS
i'm pleased this poem has had a positive reaction. I'll take a look at what you have suggested.
Yes I knew you would understand the inspiration .
Lou
Hiya Lou
I agree with Xena, Hot and steamy - excellent poem from an excellent poetess.
Love Mand xxxxx
Mand
Thank you very much
Love Lou
Hi Lou ...
I liked your poem, could be because I'm in tune with
the "carnal" side, the sly knowing grin of it ... that being
said I did feel that a couple of words were a bit "formal"
for the content, at least for me, I see no-one else has
said anything but ... "undulating", and "physical reaction",
might just be me ... anyway, thanks for the read, enjoyed
it.
Richard
Richard
I take your point
Lou
Dear Lou,
Wow! Very hot and appealing! I really liked:
A one to one connection
As I crave the warmth of your skin
Melt down.
Great imagery here.
love, cat
Cat
Thank you I'm really glad you enjoyed it
Love Lou