Candlewitch
Candlewitch
Mar 03, 2012

Dancers

Dancers

Infused by stimulation
Reciprocal fluid elocution
In their synchronized harmony
Waltzing to the
Heartbeat of the music
They would drift
Gliding on laughter
Dancing attendance
On physical syntax
Teaching their traumas
To slumber
Caught in the center maze
Of their universe
Until touched by
Each other's
Migrant souls
She had neither
Lived nor breathed
Her existence within
Narrow boundaries
Unimaginable loneliness
Defined her
He crossed her
Impenetrable barriers
To transform
Her apathy of being
Rescued...
She from
Bitter soul death

About This Poem

Last Few Words: For my manuscript Mirror/rorroM

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

Starlight

i enjoyed this a lot. the words fit together nicely. great job :)

Cloudthings

Loved these lines especially Cat, really moved me ....
"Until touched by
Each other's
Migrant souls"

Oooh, just reminded of one of my most fave lines in one of my many fave songs by Joni Mitchell
"I remember that time you told me ... "Love is touching souls"
Well surely you touched mine,
cos, part of you pours
out of me
in these lines
from time to time"
...... Brilliant huh, don't you just know that feeling?

Cheers
Anni

Candlewitch

It is so very good to have you back again, within the folds of our close knit community. I have missed you and I'm sure others have as well :)

Thank you for the high compliment of being compared to a Joni Mitchell song! I love her!
I hope you are feeling well and will be around the site for a very long time to come.

always, Cat

lowdownlady

whoa, mama. what emotion. incredible vocabulary you've got there, you've totally mastered what words to put where to make a person feel. i've lived this poem a lot of times over.

Candlewitch

It was very nice conversing with you in chat the other day! Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this piece. I look forward to reading more of your works.

always, Cat (& eddy)

Nordic cloud

Mixed with the dance these lines gave me a moment unexpected:-

"Narrow boundaries
Unimaginable loneliness
Defined her
He crossed her
Impenetrable barriers"

The dance was drawn on the floor where your words were stretched out to make a design and I found the whole exciting.
You mix images and sounds with thoughts and ideas :-

"Infused by stimulation
Reciprocal fluid elocution
In their synchronized harmony"

Fluid elocution, I went to elocution classes when I was 7-10 years old. How-now-brown-cow. I suppose it made me express myself clearly, I have always wished to do that in speech, in writing and in painting, even dancing.

Ann.