Mathew

They saw you as a single atom of this earth,
in my eyes there was no defining your worth.

Ready for laughter, always your smiling face,
around you everything was lined with grace.

i wish there was a reason for you to stay,
that i could say how much i miss you each day

memories of you are now flawless works of art
that hang with beauty on the walls of my heart.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: for my brother.♥ i love you.

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York, U.S., USA

Comments

I hesitate,

I hesitate to give criticism, as i fear this may be a very personal piece. But i have some ideas to share that may inhance this beautiful poem.
They saw you as a single atom of this earth,
in my eyes there was no defining your worth.
Ready for laughter, always your smiling face,
around you everything was lined with grace.
i wish there was a reason for you to stay,
that i could say how much i miss you each day..

the finnishing two lines are perfect in my eyes. Regards Roscoe..

thank you

dont be hesitant i like honesty. and that sounds much better , i think i will change them now :)

thank you

thank you mark

Dear Starlight,

A lovely tribute. I enjoyed the read. Your brother must be very proud of you.

always, Cat

thank you

for reading :)

damn Girl!

fourteen years lod and written like this, I am so impressed. My granddaugther whose thirteen writes also, but you are in a place by yourself at fourteen.
Eddie

A big hearty welcome to neopoet
"land of the freed peots"

thank you

thanks so much, :)

memories of you are now flawless works of art that hang with bea

memories of you are now flawless works of art
that hang with beauty on the walls of my heart.

this reminds me of a poem
i once wrote at your age
then
The Truant
my ma'am took it away..
today its just a memory
down bitter memory lan
no copy held

thank you

thanks for reading. :) ♥

You do inspire kid gal...

do read some
which are consequence of a teenager's inspiration
you are a great source of light
for dying flames

♥

it's beautiful.

oh dear! be so, so careful of ever using the word beauty

in a poem.

This is the least of your works I've seen. It feels a bit like a teen lament, though well written.

It's ok to post everything if you can take the heat for what doesn't quite work.

thank you

for reading. feedback is greatly appreciated .