wesley snow

Feb 08, 2012

This poem is part of the workshop:

Working With Titles

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Description: Working With Titles

In this exercise, each participant is to write a list 5 titles for a poem and post them here. After you've written your list of titles, pick the one you want as a title for your poem, then choose 4 of other people's suggestions to incorporate in your poem.

All poems should be posted to the "Working With Titles" workshop.

This is a fun way to sharpen your skill with titles. It will also get those creative juices flowing with flexibility in your content.
Director: Jess Tapper
Leader: Barbara Writes
Moderator(s): Scribbler, Bonitaj, Candlewitch,

Objectives: The objective is to practice finding the proper title for your poem. A title that will draw people to read your poem. This exercise is designed to make coming up with titles easier, less painstaking and stretch your flexibility.

Level of expertise: Open to all

Subject matter: Creating titles from a list of ideas. Using all or some of the titles in your list for lines and verses in your poem.

We will start with a discussion on the importance of titles

Master Title List

Chrys:
Silent Affirmation
Midnight Ride
Ancient DreamsV
Frozen In Time
Straight From Your Pen

Wesley:
"The poet knows no more than you and I."
"Sé ágenspræc léþwyrhta broc canne ne beanleag æræt æfterield."
("The language poets use can't grow too old.")
"Once more into the Black Hole."H
"Excuse me, I thought you could write."
"Out of the fire and into the nuclear facility dangerously cTlose to meltdown."

Bonitaj:
Full catastrophe living
Touched
Why love matters
Replete
Capricious longing

Scribbler:
The Day The Poets Died
When The Ink Stops Flowing
Who Shall Speak The Truth
Don’t Look At The Sun
The Sound Of Pages Turning

Mark:
Ore Locked
In the Wake
When I fall
Water Circus
Clams Served

Tired_goat
I wish I was more like James Dean
Push-Ups
Deer Shooting
Sometimes I Forget Their Names and Get Them All Confused
Reflection (8 Months Late)

Barbara:
Where the wind blows
Changing of the winds
Rare gold
Fetal position
Wandering minds

This workshop is closed.

When the Poet Died.

When the poet died,
nothing lost was found.
Ever he would hide
poesy he had bound.

When the poet failed,
no one sought his work.
But he never quailed,
left alone in murk.

When the poet passed,
everything he wrote
stood no chance to last.
He had never gloat.

When the poet ceased,
beauty went away.
Darkness was released.
Now, the night is day.

When the poet died,
nothing lost was found.
We had all relied
on the poet's sound.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Trochaic trimeter with catalectics. Alternating rhyme scheme. This is the single most obtuse piece of poetry I have ever produced. It actually has meaning, but I'm not going to offer it as I would rather see the various perspectives my peers might detect. Thanks Stan for the title and I apologize that it's also my first line. I just hate that.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Southern California, USA

Favorite Poets: Tolkien

Comments

hi Wes

Firstly you forgot to include worksop in title. As punishment you must now insert that now lol. Kinda liked the way the poet was unappreciated until after he was gone( think if I left My stuff would be acceptable? lol) The line "he had never gloat stretches to point of breaking to maintain rhyme I think............stan

Real good Wesley

The title "when the poet died" really flow line by line here as with most poets of ancient, their poetic fame only come after death. It's a good thing in modern day that some poets are recognize while they still live. There is a moment on on a tv station where poet read their own poetry as a celebration of great poets alive and deceased.

Hello Wes.

welcome to the world of "working with titles"... ;)
On first reading, with no realization that this was linked to your workshop piece, I remember thinking - this is not the type of superior work I'm used to from you. Now, upon reading your comment under the relevant section, I can see the mechanics being:
"Trochaic trimeter with catalectics. Alternating rhyme scheme."
To me it seemed too forced in places and hence comes over as a little trite.
Sorry, but IMHO that's just how it reads. You're more than welcome to critique my attempt with one of your titles:
"Excuse me, I thought you could write."

Thanks for posting.

I agree with all.

It is too forced. One of the reasons was that I chose to write in trochee. That meter and I don't get along, so I have a difficult time thinking that way. However, only experimentation will clean that up. After 20,000 lines of iambic tetrameter with rhyming couplets my mind revolts when I try something different. The subject didn't turn out as I wanted, because I simply could not "think" to include the perspectives. Therefore a number of things went unsaid that I think would allow the poem to make more sense.
I don't like this poem, but I tried and I know I have grown somewhere, I just can't see it.
wesley

yes

I agree that trochee seems unnatural when maintained over a number of lines. If you don't like this as is there's nothing preventing you from changing it over time until you are happy with it...........stan

Wes,

I can't take back what I said, but I can add to it with: "don't be so hard on yourself! Glad that you too, got something from the workshop...
Regards

Don't ever hold back with me.

I'm terribly confident about my poetry and know that I produce some pretty nifty stuff (please see Çaço, Man of the Morning Star, Canto One). I want to improve and the only way I can do that is by confessing I have failed from time to time and having my peers tell me so also. I take that bit about "the raw truth" very seriously. I hope others are reading this too. You can't hurt me, you can only help me. Rip my poetry apart if you can. Don't shy from the language and don't fear that I will misunderstand and have my feelings hurt.
I say again- you cannot harm me.
Thanks Bonitaj, I will expect your absolute truth hence forth and always.
wesley

Thanks for trying Wesley

You may not like the poem and I agree it could used some tweaking to make it flow better.
With that said, I concentrated on the title to see if it resonated throughout the poem and it did nicely.
So you have indeed grown. Even in your storytelling writing picking the right title and making it resonate throughout you story is important when trying to draw your readers in. Though not necessary for this workshop, you can attempt to make this a storyline in a short story to see how you can work out the kinks.
I'm glad you was willing to joined while heading you own workshop. Not a easy task at least for me it isn't.