scribbler
Jan 25, 2012

LAST CAST ( a narrative poem)

Don't worry I'll be there soon
in my old beat up pickup truck
on this evening of a half full moon.
We'll see if we have any luck.

I know that you prefer your trout
from tumbling mountain waterways
where hemlocks whisper and rapids shout
and cool reigns on these summer days.

But that would be too hard and far
(your withered body tells me so)
so we'll go to where a gravel bar
floods only when the turbines flow.

And we'll talk while on this ride
but not about that hunter, near,
who seeks to steal you from your bride
and all the others you hold dear.

Nor about that chemo port implanted
or arms or eyes devoid of hair
or vanished strength you took for granted.
Conversation steers away from there.

Instead we talk about the past
days on the water and in the field,
times we thought would always last.
An assumption now too soon repealed.

Now here we are at the tailrace:
no turbines running, all is still
below that stark grey concrete face
which looms like a steep granite hill.

I'll help you down the riprap bank
to shallow water, crystal clear
as in a drinking fountain's tank
hoping that some trout are here.

We quietly wade and cast a bit
as goose and gull cries fill the air
until your legs grow tired of it
and I assist you out of there.

And no, don't tell me on this day
you want me to have your fishing stuff
"The time for that is far away!"
I tell you in a voice grown gruff.

On the way back to your place
we take the longer scenic route
and spy some deer at a homeplace
on this, the last time we went out.
..........
In receiving line I shake my head
to bring myself back to the here
where brother now lies still and dead
and I choke back yet another tear...

About This Poem

Last Few Words: i doubt I'll edit this again. Reading it is too painful

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost

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Comments

China Blue

Classic Stan poetry
most enjoyable read although so very sad
but all your emotion is seen here

S

Not too sure any of my stuff should be referred to as classic, but I'm pleased the emotions came through clearly..........stan

S

I hesitated posting this because I feared people would not reply because they thought the subject was chosen in order to discourage negative feedback. I know that would not stop you so maybe I Did do OK with this........stan

Geezer

Geezer

13 years 3 months ago

your rhyme is flawless, and if elf declares it sounds like a country-classic...
You have defintely acheived what you wanted. I think it flowed really well and I felt the emotion of losing a friend. The beginning and the end where just like they should have been and I felt that I was there. ~ Gee

S

I am glad that you took the time to read this rambler and thenleave such kind comment. But when did elf visit this? Oh well, thanks for visiting..........stan

Geezer

Geezer

13 years 3 months ago

that the elf has visited this one, but he once described one of my similar works as sounding like C.W. lyrics and I was refering to that. It was such a kind comment, because I got the brand and intensity of the emotion you were trying to convey. Glad to have read this one. ~ Gee

S

I have often stated in the past and continue to believe that some of the best poetry written in the last 50 years has been in the form of song lyrics. Were one to compare me to some of the classic rock or some of the country singer/poets I would feel complimented, not insulted. Heck, We even studied Kristofferson as a poet in a college lit. course back in'74 lol...........stan