I looked at the streets of Lagos
Humans and vehicles disappeared
Freedom Park attracted a protest
Prices of things have gone up
Living wage becomes harder to run
Sudden subsidy withdrawal on fuel
The reason reeling at the center
Civil society joined hands with labour
Against the reversal of pump price
Hear the cry and the indignation
Like salt added to an open wound
The pains bit deep to the marrow
A call to address endemic sleaze
And bring perpetrators to justice
Jan 25, 2012
Subsidy Removal Strike
About This Poem
Last Few Words:
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
tired tonight hit wrong comment
will return morrow and comment
on this one
thank you
Control
like bleeding slowly
I like your salt to wound reference
as long as crowds are kept anemic
and fed just enough to think
there is satisfaction
the world is feeling her hurts
the corruption sweeping
mobility kept under watch
by placing the price just
beyond touch and use
and Poets are keeping
their words to voice
Thank YOu
Thank you too...
the strike took a serious hit on me, so I dropped the piece to share my loss.
I like 'Control', being a rection to the piece, it has helped the feeling
Best wishes
Iboro
This would make a better poetry piece of protest if you had thought more about the flow than the problem, take the first line of your write:-
.
"I looked at the streets of Lagos
Humans and vehicles disappeared"
.
Now draw it to the attention of the reader:-
"My streets! My streets!" why are you deserted,
what happened to your people and their transport??
or even:- Lagos your life and life's blood taken away
Do we protest in vain etc: etc:
Give it a personal picture, otherwise I take this one as History for later readers.
Your writing has become up there with the best so let's once again determine if we are writing a history or poetry , some will say they are linked and near the same, to me not so, how many take more notice of Graffiti than expensive advertising boards, just see which lasts the longest, Yours as always Ian.T.
"I see you Iboro"
Poetry to me...
... is all things save truth. History, revolt. Love and worship. Anger, redemption... all things men can find and discuss are what poetry is.
Save truth.
That must be found elsewhere.
I know little of what is happening where you are, but the poem is potent and sincere if a little obscure to one who does not know the situation. When I sought those things out, the poem was stronger afterward. I would prefer to see it strike home without my knowing of what it wrote, but that does not detract from the intensity.
wesley