barbers
and bartenders
talk
to you
not
at you
letting you
let it
on out
sometimes
I sob
and mewl
for a tug
of an ear
or a shave
of a fool
but,
sometimes,
-sigh-
sometimes
I just
cry
like a
little
bitch
for-
the drink
the truly
heartfelt
moments
the truly
terrible news
thru
these pillars,
though,
I-
rickety and
frail-
stand
tall and
broad
shouldered
so let
it out
the weeps
and guffaws
but
please
remember
to tip
Comments
Hello,
Interesting title... Very! It caught my attention and made me want to read the piece. And I really like your style of presentation. It makes the poem flow well and is easy to read. (others may disagree with this, but I'm an odd-ball, so it amused me greatly)
The subject matter is off the beaten path, which I also like. It is not a run of the mill poem! Fresh and new.
I have no suggestions for this piece, just appreciation. I wouldn't change a word.
always, Cat
This looks beautiful
But the form still confused me a little. I agree with Candlewitch about the structure really directing the flow and pacing, but throughout reading this poem I was thinking what is the 'message' or 'imagery' with the structure.
This is still an interesting poem and I loved the content and title however the form just threw me a little.
But it might be just because when I see structure like this I think of concrete poetry.
Okay, you got me this time.
This is so out of left field, I can't think of anything to say. Viva la experimentation!
wesley