"Shadows Creep"
4th January 2012
Night,
shadows creep,
clocks watching,
still,
breath its strange dance,
currents moving
slow,
window cracks open,
frost dried leaf,
twig,
breezes a lullaby
sleeping head;
when all falls, falling,
deep,
black,
great heaps of earth, mountains,
silent,
speechless,
dead,
no movement
seeming set,
such weight
not sinking, rising up
wedges,
ice on lakes, disturbed;
Stillness,
spinning fast,
strange planet out in space,
our home, our place.
Comments
Dear Ann,
A great late night write. It apeals to my darker nature. I love the way the short lines flow into slightly longer ones. The build up of expectation is really nice. The subject matter is right up my alley!
I was a bit confused by this line:
breath its strange dance,
The ending is right on!
Stillness,
spinning fast,
strange planet out in space,
our home, our place.
always, Cat
Perhaps a comma after breath?
I cannot write breathe, when I mean the breath fro my lungs dancing in the currents of air that flow about us. Perhaps a comma after breath to establish it?
Glad it pleased otherwise, Cat, it was half asleep seen and written down on my phone, to re write out in the morning and lengthen it to give it form.
Ann.
I am grateful to all NEOPOETS ,and you Ma'am
Who have broken the shell of
Mundane poetry…
thanks ..great verse as usual ,extraordinary...
I like your forest scene,
I like your forest scene, thank you for this. Ann.
My regards Ma'am
I am quite aware
That you are aware,
That my poetry acumen,
Is more than naught?
ZERO
Thanks