In this enterprise we call family
My partner is a passionate partaker
Moaning all through in bed like a Billy
And says nothing at all thereafter
Like a ghost in and out of the house
Laid back and contributes nothing
In temper, you need water to douse
Raving when I’ve not said anything
And not bothered by the tick in time
While the kids grow to see us fight
Bring money home, not from crime
My parrot partner plays, what a sight
And forgets that there is work to do
I am quiet; but I know what to say
Afraid of what I am going to do
It’s time to move on, so go your way
Dec 23, 2011
MY SPOUSE IS TOO QUIET
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Thank you
I observe that the things we sweep under the carpet, can build up to put serious strain in a relationship. I am glad you like it, best wishes
tr
Something I've been struggling with.
I needed an article before "Billy" which I assume is the goat. "A Billy". It's a little thing, but I notice it because I've been working at including them in my poetry when it seems necessary.
Otherwise, a terribly sad poem and a bit too real for comfort.
wesley
Too real?
You can that again, this situation is found in many homes around here and marriages are breaking up due to this imbalance, the kids suffer the effect. In some cases, it is the man and in others it is the woman, the reasons are varied.
Thank you, my challenge with articles is chronic and in most cases I do no see them, I appreciate your time and comments, best wishes.
tr