docmaverick
docmaverick
Dec 23, 2011

Fear, a Notion

I've got myself this, "theory"
a crazy notion, my mind voluntarily, had;

I consider all things to be mathematical
and if they're worthwhile you'd best learn, to add.

Just total, all of your blessings
and, your sorrows you'll have to subtract;

you'll then see, a much clearer picture
that life's good, and that that's, a grand, fact!

You cannot add up all, your worries
for to add up your fears is not right;

for, they've yet to come into fruition
and right now, aren't blocking the "light";

However, if you are consistently
being stubbornly, persistent....with those fears;

you'll end up living in shadows
feeling "blue", for what could be for years.

So, my advice has been written for, everyone
to, lighten up! And, try not to be sad;

you must smile, and let the light of happiness
help you feel good, at least....just, a "tad"!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Under disguise of another title, this same poem, has disgraced a page. doc.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: The High Desert, in the wild west, southern California, U.S. of A.., USA

Favorite Poets: Keates

More from this author

Comments

wesley snow

This poem has a lot of why I like reading your poetry, but the commas are makin' me nuts. You don't need half of them from my perspective. Unless you're using them to get a reader to pause in a particular way I think they interfere with the flow.
Favorite line... "However, if you are consistantly
being stubbornly, persistant with those fears;"
Now, THAT'S poetry.
Gently humorous and killer sentimental.
Loved it.
wesley

docmaverick

...for the input; and I really value your "take" on things. As for the comas, I WAS trying to cause the reader to pause a certain way, but I see now that a poet CAN'T control his/her reader.
doc.

docmaverick

...however, I must admit that, "that's" not my forte'. As per usual, you've hit another, proverbial "nail" on the head! Here's the "deal"..."poetry punctuation"....is most definitely different than, "regular punctuation"; but, it seems that my adherence to those "rules" is, well....way "whoa", way unsettling!
So, there it is....there. In my tiny mind, I was quietly trying to get away with just, turning a phrase.
Turns out I wasted MANY people's time.
Thanx, for your insight;
doc.

wesley snow

Your poetry is too sharp. And I know what you were trying to do. I would like my big poem to be read as "conversationally" as possible. I use commas, dashes, ellipsis' and lately I've been messing with colons. I DON'T think you should stop messing with the idea. Possibly my problem (and it's not yours) is that I have been reading grammar books lately and so I'm creating this intermittent, full of holes kind of education. You know... a little knowledge...
Sorry if I appeared to harp. You were my first "favorite" here at Neo and I feel a strange vested interest in your poetry.
Definitely from the heart, wesley