There once was a lad from New York,
who could eat nothing but pork.
His insides were burning.
His acid was churning.
Then he threw up and looked like a dork.
Dec 24, 2011
York Pork Man
About This Poem
Last Few Words: A little limerick. Thanks for the advice wierdelf!
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
yep, I can't believe how quickly you grasped the concept
some people just can't. You are talented.
The only thing with this one is the second line, it breaks the meter, which should be the same 1,2 and 5
who ate nothing but pork.
perhaps
who could eat nothing but pork.
Hear the difference?