November
ominous is the sky
roiling clouds in shades of gray
reminders that all things die
no mention of rebirth now
portents of the dying
from the horizon
no time now for crying
so wipe the trears away
winter crisp in the air
harbinger of death's decay
while stiff wind strips branches bare
through them falling flakes do dare
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Cat
perfectly chillng, great stuff. Can't find fault.
lou
Hey Lou,
Thanks for reading and responding.
always, Cat
Thanks Lonnie,
I'm glad you liked it! We are still waiting for snow!
always, Cat
Excellent.
The only thing wrong I can find with this poem is a possible typo in the last line of the second stanza. Sorry. That's all I got. wesley
Dear Wesley
Thank you for reading and commenting!
always, Cat
Sorry, Cat
but perhaps a tad cliche? Another winter poem.
Hi Jess,
Sorry you didn't like it, but thanks for reading and commenting. I always appreciate the truth of ones feelings.
always, Cat
All can't like... all
Sometimes grey matter is needed,
To enjoy snow fall on branches,
It does not behoove the likes of me,
To say anything else,
But excellent,
To those who are in paper published...
On computer stuff we know
Can be lost,
To the lack of current flow,
And to hackers
None know...
Thanks Loved,
Lovely to see you.
always, Cat
hi Cat
Very foreboding. Only obvios change to suggest is line 2 stanza 2.I think your intnt was to use clipped lines to reinforce the content but this line is a bit too clipped to convey intent I think. And there's nuthin' wrong with winter poems lol.....................stan
Hi Stan,
It is wonderful to have you back with us! I hope all your computer problems are solved and behind you. Have a great winter season.
always, Cat
something staccato and stark
I feel here that it has something staccato and stark
and yet doesn't quite do that, just a matter of
making it a little more sharp, even borrowing something
from nonsense rhyme, not the humour!
Like the beating of a drum, sounding the doom of Winter.
How I am not sure.
Branchs-branches?
Trears-tears
Ann
Interesting...
Thank you, Ann :)
always, Cat
last line
I love winter
even though its over
(Palm trees in five years!!)
"winter crisp in air
the harbinger of deaths decay
while stiff winds strip the branches bare
and through them falling flakes so fair.."
or
"do dare"
hard to believe but I did read a lot of classic lit
in my days along with "other" lit..
love poems about winter and glad now that we can
look forward to daffodils in a few months!!
Dear Esker,
I love your rewrite! beautiful!! Thanks for reading an commenting.
always, Cat
Your Welcome Cat
"fair
do dare"
works together rather then an AS
wish I was more up to date with theory and such
But, Im not So sue me Ha ha ha
rather enjoy reading all these lately
I will miss this come next week when I return
to my room
such limited time
but I am revelling in these moments
been commenting like crazy too
which is pretty damned fun
its always cool how people do different
covers of songs on U Tube and I thought
poetry can be the same too
Thank You
I very much enjoy reading
I very much enjoy reading your responses. I've been readin them on others posts as well. Great job!!!
always, Cat