To make apple cider, you boil it,
then drink up, before time can spoil it.
Drink too many cups,
and you're bound to throw up
as you quickly dash off to the toilet!
Nov 29, 2011
Smoky Mountain Apple Trotters (Part 2 of weirdelf's 3 part challenge)
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I think this is a very weak poem. Critique welcome
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
No, not very good
I claim victory with "Picket Fences" unless you surpass it in Neopoetime. Which is tricky, minutes can feel like hours and months like minutes. Be patient. Then do it
oops
double post
You win.
I bow to the mighty prowess of weirdelf. BUT,,,,, i shall return. I will fix this poem, then fight for glory in Part 3! I realized this sucked from the begining! :)
No wait!
you are not telling the truth here.
Behind this limerick is something ugly and hurtful.
Write the whole poem
or tell me I'm wrong.
No wait!
you are not telling the truth here.
Behind this limerick is something ugly and hurtful.
Write the whole poem
or tell me I'm wrong.
double
post
hello,
I linda liked it and thought it was very clever. But if you aren't happy with your results then you must rework...
always, Cat