weirdelf
weirdelf
Nov 28, 2011

Picket Fences

We all live on the same street
Our houses and lawns are so neat
We go to our jobs
Where they cut off our nobs
Then go home to our wives, so discrete.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics

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Comments

S

Nice? limerick. Might consider deleting are in line 2............stan

Geremia

Sharp and cutting. So much said in so few words. The seemingly "forced" rhyme supports content beautifully .The limeerick quality really works well to underscore the satire. I am so glad to see you finally break through to writing damn good poetry-.

joe

wesley snow

Wasn't there a workshop on this recently?
Geremia thought that the second line is too long. I think the first is too short.
wesley

weirdelf

I'm buggered about the scansion of those first two lines though. They sound fine to me. Perhaps because I barely pronounce the very un-stressed syllables, maybe a regional accent thing.

I did run a mini-workshop with the challenge to write a serious limerick, it was excruciatingly difficult. http://new.neopoet.com/node/4727 So if I can slip in some irony I figure I'm ahead.