weirdelf
weirdelf
Nov 27, 2011

dis-assemblage

i am dis-assembling my life,
it makes perfect sense.
for ten years i’ve known it’s time to die

and so,
each day
i remove a little contact,
one less phone call,
no invitations,
more brusque replies,
even more brutality and abuse,
to those I love,
to let go.

then i will have to sort
all the stuff for the dump,
all the stuff for charity
all the books to be chosen from
by my friends,
which will be my wake.

then just hang around
till i can get a gram of heroin,
without getting ripped off
again.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This is not about suicide, but perhaps is about behaviour I can't otherwise explain.

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics

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More from this author

Comments

Geremia

No. YOU did it. The poem is you. Strong sentiments without maudlin sentimentality..Direct and to the point- emotion without emotionalism.This is awesome.Perfect rythm and cadence between content and form..

Joe

S

The despair within comes through clearly. I wouldn't feel right without leaving 2 suggestions though.
l-10 might consider changing pack to seperate for accuracy if doing so doesn't change your intent
structurally , if you left a blank line before last line, I think it would add impact
just a few ideas to smoke over.........stan

the_fool

i really connected to this piece for personal reasons. very moving and well written.
thx elf.

wesley snow

You say "thanks fool" and too many of us will say "you're welcome".
I could have read this poem anywhere and known it was yours. Of course I don't like the form, but the content is so freaking original I will have to swipe it.
"All we're doing is trying to find something to do while we're waiting around to die." (Snow)
That little statement I've used for years would have given me a poem if I had thought to use it. Yours will have to go in my archives. Several suggestions above. Since this is older now and now one will likely notice, I say ignore them all. The thing is awesome as is.
wesley

Candlewitch

I like the word "pack" too! It seems to finalize the act. " Separate" seems too clinical. The content did not strike me as a suicide note. It hit me as a practical assessment of ones life up to this point. These lines struck a deeper cord:

then just hang around
till i can get a gram of heroin,
without getting ripped off
again.

I have no suggestions, just appreciation for the work.

always, Cat (& eddy)

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 12 months ago

I liked this one, it reminded me of the things I am doing each day as I grow older.
Sorting out giving away tidying up my affairs (Would have preferred affairs of the heart not paperwork)
The theme was well written I wonder if we all start doing this as the Winter creeps up on us, Yours, for a while yet, Ian.T

judyanne

obviously i didn't hit the save button lol

this made me laugh jess
sorry if you were venting or something
but that last line lol

powerful write, and so your style - i would've known it as yours anywhere
love judy
xxx