She owns each heart that dares
possess a dream and initiates,
he settles for the knowledge that spares
each thought and evaluates;
she chooses to quietly greet the dawn
and secretly contemplates,
he hears her anguish while her voice is gone
while she deliberates.
She understands her indecisive nature
and learns to instigate,
he alone can sense the future
for those who only tolerate;
she wanders lost in his eyes
and feels him devastate,
he merely feigns surprise
as he reaches out and violates.
She turns to run away
as his sinewy finger-strand strangulates,
he knows she's begun to pray
so her daunted thoughts alleviate;
she finally gets involved
with little time to investigate,
he owns a grip that's evolved
to a point where her own doubt causes her to suffocate.
Comments
nicely done
i love it; the power of alliteration people! there's a good flow to it.
thanx....
...for your very generous remarks.
sincerely,
doc.
Delightfully original.
You know where to hit me. Tricks AND substance. The internal rhyme is a little lost because it lands in such disparate locations in the rhythm. If they had hit at precisely the same point in each line they would come across more clearly (but of course, that's a bitch).
The general rhyme scheme is a hoot. Also, I liked the story (me and stories, what can I say).
After all my whining at you, this is a solid answer. Unlike anything of yours I have read and yet by the same talented poet.
Bravo.
wesley
P.S. In line 10, I believe the word you want is "begun".
Much gracious, snowman....
...and thanx for the correction on the typo. Now, I feel a little better about the piece.
Sincerely,
doc.
I like the content far more than our more recent works
and Wesley's remarks are spot on.
Thanx, elf....
...do you agree with scribbler's idea? Here's how it looks, now.
Later on,
doc.
hi Doc
I enjoyed the read but wonder if you considered splitting each line in two and rhyming only every other line to make for easier reading? It's good to be back and harassing ya"ll lol............stan
Leave it to the scribbler....
...to figure how to make my, "middle of the line" rhymes, visible!
Good eye, mate !
I sincerely thank, you...for the seemingly obvious solution, AND your scribbled words of quasi-encouragement ! Lol !
glad your back, too my friend;
seriously, thanx;
doc.
Hi Doc
We ARE supposed to be here to help one another and I am always pleased when an idea of mine is found useful..........stan
Well, it truly was Sir scrib-a-lot....
..."useful" is rather an understatement.
Lol,
doc.