I saw a pigeon;
I heard a ' bang!'.
There was no bird.
I saw a plaice;
I heard a 'splash!'.
There was no fish.
I saw a tree;
I heard a 'han!'.
There was no forest.
I saw a house;
I heard a 'boom!'.
There was no shelter.
I saw a Man;
I heard a "nothing!."
There was no being.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Nihilism.
Nihilism is a profound philosophical cocept. But this just 'nothing means nothing.
Nicely written.
clever concept!
cleverly executed! Well done!
Re-visiting this, perhaps my first comment
reflected more my state of mind than the poem. But that's the risk you take, once you let your poem be read it belongs to your reader, not you.
My second and third readings I liked it a lot more, the final stanza is really quite profound about the way humanity responds to the way it is treated.