In Flanders Fields

Like you Tam, this poem has always slammed me around a little. McCrae as I understand it was a surgeon in the second battle of Ypres, but it's the one after that blows me away. That men could fight a battle in which some 500,000 died on a single day is unconscionable.
My objections to the poem are purely mechanical. I absolutely despise the capitalizing of each line whether it begins a sentence or not. I know it's been tradition since man made the wheel, but jeez it's annoying. Also McCrea does not use commas (or other punctuation) very judiciously. He even puts a comma in front of "and" which is a connective conjunction and acts as a comma in and of itself.
Being a form junkie, I think it is a mild flaw that the first stanza does not include the meter changing last line present in two and three.
Nevertheless, it is a powerful poem.
wesley

in agreement with your asessment once again. I wish that you weren't so good and that I was a little faster in responding with a critique of my own. However, seeing that it is a very widely accepted practice to capitalize the first letter of the next line, I feel that it isn't exactly a wrong thing to do. [ Especially since it is a thing that I often do myself ]. ~ Gee

It's been such a common practice for so long I suspect most people (even many poets) don't notice it. It makes me nuts. wesley

i feel there is too many punctuation in the poem and it takes effort to find meaning because of flaw in flow and the unnecessary punctuation.. such as these two lines

that mark our place, and in the sky,
The larks, still bravely singing, fly,

tis probably why i never like reading poetry before coming to neopoet.

Reading slow is challenging for me since I tend to read poetry fast like a song.
If I had written it, it wouldn't need all the punctuation just some punct. to make the main point stand out in every stanza.
I will attempt to read it slow and out loud. After all critiquing poetry is about learning to read poetry of different style. Which is what I need to grasp.

is another's exclamation mark! ;) At least that's how I interpret most poems. I don't let the punctuation distract from the content, unless it is so blatant as to make it impossible to read!
I never ranked McCrae amongst the war poetry "greats" like Wilfred Owen, or Siegfried Sassoon, so this was an unexpected treat. I greatly appreciate the symbolism in the opening verse. Being of British descent, the "poppy" is indelibly etched in my mind, as the epitomy of war memorablia. Interesting how, despite the gravity of the tone - the postive realism of "The larks, still bravely singing, fly." is juxtaposioned against "Scarce heard amid the guns below" - an effective contast which enhances the visual imagery.
We are the dead; short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Fabulous use of "tenses" present to past to present again. Also hinges on irony and paradox. Tam, as idealistic as your comment and re-write is, I think one can only but appreciate the desire for revenge, as suggested by the closing lines - "If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields."
Brilliant piece! One of the Masters, indeed!
Thanks Tam!
Bonitaj

N.B. Please post your edit/ re-write as a poem straight after the original in the same box, so we can compare them directly. Do not post as a comment on the thread or on a separate page. Click edit and paste your work in directly after the original poem.

In other words both poems, the original and the edit/rewrite should appear in the post. Sorry if I was unclear

I like yopur rewrite better. But I do think that it could use some help in the meter department. It seems that your last lines are lacking! (<- a little alliteration nnever hurt! lol ;) )

I never knew you had it in you? The same sacrilegious humour the Aussies have? Well! Some more than others.... ;)
But to be serious, which I know is not your intent! Boy! You turned this one on it's head. Don't know if I feel that comfortable with it though, positioning it that close to the grim weightiness of the original. I think the poor dead bastards will be turning in those self -same graves at Flanders!
Boni

I didn't mean to engender any guilt.... ;) not that you'd take it on anyway! ;)
Cheers
Boni

totally no connection to original , but that's your intent I read above. The first line stumble a lot for me , but after reading your come above i understand lack of connection with the last two stanza. I find the last two beautiful and enjoyed reading.
With A little work needed on the first stanza I think this the reworks well

with an interesting slant. Thanks for participating.

Any feedback on this workshop or ideas for future ones please let me know at
http://new.neopoet.com/workshop/critique-quickie