the_fool
the_fool
Nov 16, 2011

Icy Hot

simply maddening
is this thumping…
this stomping
grinding thunder
in my knees...
wearied as they
are too used

bottles and canned
pills promising
lack-lustre
aspirations and fancies
rich and brilliant.
this passenger seat
this cold blueness
this hole

a true blue-collar
ache

this back
feebling and sore
that carries pianos
to the second flight
game-rooms
without poetic metaphor.
just grunts and gasps
with every
sweat groaned step.
Creases-

yes, sweat and grime
running
like back roads
criss-crossing my neck
and legs-
muddied ruts
where they
oughtn’t’ve been
layed.

face and hands
iron and steam
soap and rag
miles and miles to go
until fevered
epiphanies
in showers at home.

perspiration pours
like sweet water
slip-slap
slopping
my gritted stubble.
water spills
like fresh blood
drip-drop
draping
my shoes and dolly
stacked with boxes

i keep band-aids
now.
neosporin
and peroxide, too.
at the rear
my WACs
and Major
Hot Lips.
icy hot.

essential

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Austin, TX, USA

More from this author

Comments

Candlewitch

Interesting title! This rounds out the curves of a hard life lived. The aches and pains are a constant companion when we get older. We pay for the abuses heaped upon the body and the body is unforgiving. I very much like this poem as I can easily relate to it. I'm going to see the Dr. tomorrow for injections for back and knees. Cortesone is a wonder, LOL! Keep on writing.

i keep band-aids
now.
neosporin
and peroxide, too.
at the rear
my WACs
and Major
Hot Lips.
icy hot.

essential

Bravo!

always, Cat

lou

lou

13 years 5 months ago

well written tight poem, i have nothing i can suggest.

great stuff

lou

emogothgirl

i totally understand where you're coming from. baling hay in the heat of summer on the hottest day of the year at noon comes to mind. i did not get paid enough for that. well written.

yes, sweat and grime
running
like back roads
criss-crossing my neck
and legs-
muddied ruts
where they
oughtn’t’ve been
layed.

i love that!

loved

loved

13 years 5 months ago

I recall

Years down the ladder of time,
When our maid opened the fridge,
It had moist vapours ensuing
And
She alarmed all present there
Hello all come and see,
The fridge is burning.

We all laughed at her simplicity,
The maid was shunning.

weirdelf

this is poetry.
Elegant and innovative use of language.
And I relate. I'm a factotum, worked just about every shitty job known to man.

The line
oughtn’t’ve been
layed.
stumbles a bit, maybe just
oughtn’t be.

The MASH reference at the end threw me a bit too, not sure where that came from. It was a bit suddenly introduced to make the whole poem allegorical to a class war.