weirdelf
weirdelf
Oct 24, 2011
This poem is part of the workshop:

Rhyme- use, variations and forms.

(Read More...)

Noisance

That roaring mower's bloody noise
my peace and indolence destroys
so I protest with grace and poise
and hoik a broken brick at it.

a leaf-blower then intrudes most rudely
a job once done with rake as easily
after asking first politely
I kick the fucker's keister

now silence reigns my mood's enabled
I'll write rhymes which will be fabled
if my talent's not mislabeled
and those cunts keep fucking quiet

About This Poem

Last Few Words: never let it be said I set exercises I won't attempt myself. Strong, weak and double rhymes plus some assonance and consonance. But I piked at triples.

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics

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More from this author

Comments

Candlewitch

I love the title! Fantastic wording. I got a chuckle out of this piece... damned near peed myself!
You've described my summer annoyance perfectly! each verse builds up to the finale. Love it!

now silence reigns my mood's enabled
to write rhymes which will be fabled
if my talent's not mislabeled
and those cunts keep fucking quiet

always, Cat

Race_9togo

But you came awfully close!
I like this; the rhyming is good, almost within your own set parameters, except, as you say, for the triples.
I love the subject, and especially the structure, the way you use the last line, taking it out of the rhyme, but using assonance and consonance. it packs a real punch.
Good stuff. This was a good workshop!

themoonman

I've been keeping up with most of the workshop
and I must say that you've really done a great job
with this one.

This poem, first stanza, second line isn't grammatically
correct, your peace and indolence destroys, should it not
be "destroyed". I think you gave in to the rhyme, but it is
about the rhyme, and they are good, content good, sometimes
I want to hoik a brick too.

thanks

Richard

themoonman

it's the way I was reading it, to me it reads like the peace
and indolence is doing the destroying, like it needs an "it"
before destroy, but I do see where it could be read the way
you've obviously meant it, the mower's noise destroying.

sorry mate, my bad.

weirdelf

It's one of those grammatic inversions for rhyme I hate so much, in normal speach it would read-
destroys my peace and indolence

well spotted
mea culpa
mea culpa
mea culpa

Barbara Writes

the rhymes are great since its late i must come back and read again for a better look at all the rhymes I.
Enjoyed the workshop. I feel I must attempt to write here so I'll write a one or posting with the two exercises.

wesley snow

...in my "Dictionary of the Highly Arrogant and Obnoxious" (my favorite) and found only "shmooze". Does that help?
Just kidding.
Ian, your definition is totally cool. I did not know that. wesley

weirdelf

no wuzzas, as I said before, we're a pretty relaxed bunch around here, despite those fins circling in towards us. [grins]

Barbara Writes

working so far
I think this is another of your genius write. I like all the rhymes. they flow perfectly.

My accounting home work has displaced my ability to sort them all out at this moment. Just glad i can see again without the mental confusion, pain, and actually get some work done.

It amazes me how you manage to make sex flow effortless in you last two poems. Glad you not trying to stew counts. :)

Ps love you Shabazs