trapped here in the middle creation
that separates heaven and the underworld,
I was struck by blazing arrows coming down
a sign of self-destruction made by the anger of The Almighty..
the days from my flesh banished innocent hearts to arrogance,
all the time as when God saved the Devil;
crawling for forgiveness for something not to be forgiven,
before stepping out from something real but forbidden..
as I looked back at my old place - where I was built with hatred,
found nothing existent to make me a saint nor an angel.
The Guardian of The Gate must have been grateful on me,
I stepped over and set myself into The Fire.
Comments
I have used similar themes
I have used similar themes for my poems, and offer these suggestions:
trapped here in the middle earth
that separates heaven from the underworld,
I was struck by blazing arrows all around
(a sign of self-destruction made by the anger of The Almighty..)
in the days of my flesh, I banished innocence to arrogance,
when God saved the Devil all this was known
crawling for forgiveness for something not to be forgiven,
before stepping out from something real but forbidden..
I turned around, saw what I had built with my own self-hatred
found nothing exists to make of me neither saint nor an angel.
and now I, The Guardian of The Gate stepped aside,
when I stepped into The Fire.
Take any or all thoughts.
~A
hmm.
it retorts the picture to another if it should be written like that.
tnx for the suggestion..
I don't know if *retorts* is
I don't know if *retorts* is the word you are looking for. I just posted my *version* of your poem. You might want to reread yours.
Food for thought, that's all. It is good to create poems like this, no?
~A
hmm.
i'll scan my work and see what i can fix..:)
by the way thnx for the approach..
God bless.