weirdelf

Sep 25, 2011

This poem is part of the workshop:

fixed verse – it's not a curse

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Description: Context can be critical to poetics. For example, poetry that records historic events in epics, such as Gilgamesh, will necessarily be lengthy and narrative, while poetry used for liturgical purposes (hymns, psalms, sutras and hadiths) needs to have an inspirational tone. Elegy and tragedy are meant to evoke deep emotional responses, while comic is supposed to provoke laughter.

Various forms of poetry have been ‘invented’ throughout history, as poets have attempted to find the most appropriate and effective way to use sound to present their message.

Poetic form refers to various sets of "rules" followed by poems of certain types. The rules may describe such aspects (amongst many others) as the rhythm or meter of the poem; its rhyme scheme; use of (for example) repetition or alliteration, even length.

This workshop will be an ongoing (superficial) examination of various forms within the ‘western’ tradition, in which we will simply take one at a time and, after a short discussion to ascertain its purpose, attempt to write one ourselves (or more if we so desire).

Leader: judyanne

Moderator(s): wesley snow

Objectives: The goal of this workshop is to familiarise ourselves with various types of poetry in order to raise our awareness as to the effectiveness of different forms to deliver different messages. It is also the goal of this workshop to practice our iambic/ trochaic, in preparation for a future sonnet workshop.

Level of expertise: Open to all

Subject matter: A form of poetry will be presented once a week. It will not be necessary for you to try every form if you join the shop – merely the ones that interest you. It will be necessary, however, to contribute to short discussions and comment on any poems posted by others in the shop.

Please note: the AC has changed it so Workshop postings no longer count in the one-poem-to-be-submitted-a-day rule. Members can post as many workshop contributions as they need to and still post a poem a day.

This workshop is closed.

Corporate Villanelle (repost for Fixed Forms workshop)

all property is theft we know is true
this knowledge will now free our thoughts from chains
and corporation's death will soon ensue

with revolutionary spirit we pursue
the boss's lies to death till none remains
all property is theft we know is true

we fight for liberation overdue
our struggle will alleviate our pains
and corporation's death will soon ensue

these hoards of wealth continue to accrue
the trickle-down’s a sop for empty brains
all property is theft we know is true

into the sea and air they daily spew
the waste and filth from ill-gotten gains
and corporation's death will soon ensue

we take the time to think the process through
and each of us class consciousness attains
all property is theft we know is true
and corporation's death will soon ensue

Done a vid-
https://youtu.be/dNOLjKXqEUo

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Fuck that was hard! Haven't written a villanelle for a quarter century or so. I'm sure it was easier then. Maybe I wasn't so strict on form then. Totally open to suggestions.

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Aye, there's the rub

I know it is technically close to form.

But does it have any passion? Soul? The subject certainly does for me, but does it come across?

Oh, and thank you, sir.

thank you

kind sir.

Ian

Ian,

needs a chorus, bridge, middle 8 and spoken outro before I'll touch it! LOL!

You are speaking as a lyricist, rather than a poet.

No, the work merely exemplifies the difficulty in writing with a strong message that over-rides prosodic form.

ah, now you've returned the favour

and brought tears to poor elfies eyes,
thankyou

It does come across Jess

I like how and what you did this Villanelle on Jess. I only have one trip up for me in this line:

the bosses lies to death till none remains

I read it out loud and it sounds like too many s's. How about the bosses lied to death till none remains or

the boss lies to death till none remains

I am not sure but only want to throw this out at you. I am trying to get back to reading and commenting to the best of my agility:)

I also remember doing one of these and it is harder than most people want to put the effort to writing. Makes me think to try one again after reading this of yours today. Good job mate.

Mona

thanks so much mona,

and good suggestions, you're quite right about that line,
I'll look into it,
thankyou

Hi Jess

Them thar "vaniller" forms seem to be sproutin' up more lately. Reckon I'll look up the rules an try one meself 'fore long lol. Only obvious flaws I see in one quick read is that a few commas here and there could be used to break up thoughts.................stan

thanks Stan

will check out my punctuation

well goodness gracious me

in CAPS with exclamation mark. How dramatic!

Takes a lot of time, energy

Takes a lot of time, energy and know-how, to write a good poem about potent subject-matter in any *strict* form, doesn't it Jess?

my word

but ultimately I feel it was worth it in this case- to me the somewhat archaic sounding stucture roils nicely with the dynamycism of revolutionary thought.

I suspect I'll be doing a few more works in various tradional forms.

Jess ...

While I'm not really fond of the form, merely
because of the repetition, which usually feels
forced, and annoying, I think this one, probably
because of the content, doesn't do that. And just
for that you deserve acknowledgement.

I did have a couple of suggestions, it would mean some
changes, but I think would be worth at least considering.
First two lines; instead of "is" true, how about "it's" true.
then perhaps second line; instead of "will now", perhaps
"should now" ... the reason I say this is because this IS
information widely known, and that in itself SHOULD be
enough to rally the common man into saying it's enough.
Great content incorporated in this villanelle, thanks for
posting for us all to see.

Richard