scribbler
Nov 25, 2010

TANGLED MAP OF COULD HAVE BEEN

Untried dreams we now regret
( we'll do it later, just not yet )
Perhaps a message t'was not taken
led to another's poor heart breakin'

Had ink never flowed out of this pen
this poem would neither start nor end
maybe we'd sleep well at night
had we not begun to write

Untaken roads, choices not made
debts forgiven and repaid
a decision made or one we shirk
a word that does or doesn't work

How many times in every day
do we each pick a different way
until the map of routes untraveled
resemble a facsimile of the human psyche unraveled ?

About This Poem

Last Few Words: this is for the contest, now all this old fart has to do is remember how to E-mail it to lou lmao.

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost

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More from this author

Comments

C

to speak about Japanese forms. So take what you can from this, my comment. We live in the is and has beens.... The last stanza carries much weight in centring the whole poem.

S

So nice to see you on my page. Just listed it as Japanese to see if anybody was paying attention lol..........scribbler

S

Hey Shirley ! tried to send but unsure if it went through. Guess I'll message lou to find out.........stan

Race_9togo

Nothing to critique. My personal observation?

There goes my chance at winning.

heehee.

;)

An excellent poem, and an excellent interpretation and use of the comp line.

Good luck!

S

You have at least as much chance as I ! I just took the line and kind of worked backward from it............scribbler

S

I just wrote it for fun with no expectation of winning. I am glad you like it though.........stan

Victorclaude

"How many times in every day
do we each pick a different way
until the map of routes untraveled
resemble a facsimile of the human psyche unraveled ?"

Very cleverly put! You have a natural knack for this cleverness.

Bravo!!

Victor

S

A natural knack shouldn't require the effort I put in this lol................scribbler