Kailashana2
Sep 18, 2011
This poem is part of the workshop:

Meter for everyone!

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A Working Man/rewritten for Meter Workshop

Your beard rough against my face
lover's sweat upon our bed,
emotions lingering press,
your hands wrap around my poem..

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Ohio, USA

Favorite Poets: Bokonon: “Let your life be the poem you write”.

More from this author

Comments

wesley snow

I only came to your entry first because you were kind enough to come to mine. I still don't know what the routine is for a workshop, but I'm sure someone will tell me someday.
I hate to be a party pooper, but I don't think your poem is iambic.
wesley

weirdelf

but does it really matter? Like when we were talking about knots, you can describe each time the tying of the knot or give it a name, like bowline, which in no way resembles the knot itself.

Really I didn't think you or Anna would have such difficulty with the concepts of naming and doing. The names are the most widely accepted, and therefore useful. At least you can actually understand and do iambic.

wesley snow

It is perhaps important simply because it's funny. And a bowline knot is for the end of a line on a boat to toss to the dock even though we cowboys use it for other things.
Sorry to be so silly. I promise I'm taking this seriously.
wesley

K

The gist of my writing, is that sometimes you (ok, I) just can't say anything worthwhile using
one staid form.

Leave out words or create words for meter, and what you have has not much meaning. Check out the original I wrote to see what I mean.

Ok.

So I'll rewrite my rewrite, Wesley.

Your beard rough against my face
lover's sweat upon our bed,
emotions lingering press,
your hands wrap around my poem..

Better.

I'm sorry that you only choose to read only those who comment on your poems. Not very friendly, are you or perhaps you're going through a depression?

~A

wesley snow

I'm sorry to give you the wrong impression. I had a bit of a problem even figuring out what to do in the workshop and where to do it. I stuck it to you because you were the first I accidentally found.
Brahms once said on leaving a party..."I have tried to insult all of you equally. If I have missed anyone, I am truly sorry."
Jess said to comment on everyone and, darn it, that's what I'm gonna do.
wesley

K

Assertive, my friend. Assertive. I'm not aggressive but I do say my piece of mind and make peace with what I say.

~A

weirdelf

the objective of the workshop is to develop an ear for meter. That's the whole point. When you have the "ear" you'll find the meter coming naturally and not being a "staid" form but an expansion of your abilities.

 

Your beard/ rough a/gainst my /face
lover's /sweat up/on our /bed,
lingering/ emoti/ons press/ing
calloused/ hands /wrapped a/round my /poem.

 

As you see, mostly trochaic.

There is method in my madness. It's why I suggested a mundane theme. So you could see the power of meter alone as a poetic device.

 

weirdelf

Your beard/ rough/ against /my face
lover's /sweat u/pon our /bed,
emoti/ons ling/ering press,
your hands/ wrap a/round my/ poem.

 

 

K

Sorry, you didn't read the rewrite of the rewrite, which I now reposted, Jess. And maybe you and I don't read the same way. Maybe it's my Hungarian/German/English/Spanish/New Jersey ear, and it's your Aussie/Aborigine one.

For me syllables work and then the accents always work out no matter how one reads it.
If I'm wrong, I've flunked the course, but aced the poem. Maybe I'm too old to learn new tricks, but it's all good in the end analysis.

~A

K

Neato, Jess. Your parsing is evident in the revisions.

So grade me. A for effort, C-minus for ability? Lord how I hated grades. Stuff I liked, I always aced without study, I could study for a million years and I'd average out or less in stuff I didn't like or held no significance.

~A

weirdelf

and you have made an attempt at something that you are naturally resistant to. I respect that immensely. There is no failure here.

Please continue with the workshop and watch how the others fare in their transitions to trochaic, even if you don't attempt it yourself.

Is it clear now why I wanted a mundane subject? It was so you would not become attached to your original words and could play with them freely.