Tam the Chanter
Tam the Chanter
Sep 09, 2011
This poem is part of the workshop:

Meter for everyone!

(Read More...)

hangover

My breakfast coffee tastes like drying mud.
I sip and choke and cough, my eyes all tears.
Last night was fun, I wish I could recall
Just what the hell I drank; sure wasn't beers!

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

More from this author

Comments

Tam the Chanter

Thanks, Eph . Are we supposed tio crit our own stuff?

Should a small poem be in centimeters?

example; My sister arrived by train and I was centimetre at the station.

weirdelf

trochee DUM da

small difference, it seems, but changes the whole tone of the verse.

This is what we'll see when we convert our Iambic Pentameters in Trochaic Pentameters. It doesn't take much work, but changes the whole sound.

Anapest and Dactyl are three syllable feet, we'll get to them later.

weirdelf

My break/fast coff/ee tastes/ like dry/ing mud.

I sip /and choke /and cough,/ my eyes/ all tears.

Last night /was fun,/ I wish /I could/ recall /

Just what/ the hell/ I drank/ after/ those beers

just one tiny thing after

See how it breaks the meter?

themoonman

Sharpened up your meter stick didn't ya,
and had fun doing it, or at least the night
before (lol)

thanks Tam, it seems almost perfect to my
ear.

K

Fun poem on a not-so-fun-hangover.

It seems to me that an extra word would make it *sound better*.

,

My breakfast coffee tastes like [[dried out]] mud.
I sip and choke and cough, my eyes all tears.
Last night was fun, I wish I could recall
Just what the hell I drank after [[all]] those beers

~A

I suppose there's a simultaneous need for meter and ear for poetry.

Last night was fun, I wish I could recall
Just what the hell I drank after [all] those beers.

But I know

weirdelf

My break/fast coff/ee tastes/ like dried/ out mud.
I sip /and choke /and cough,/ my eyes /all tears.
Last night /was fun,/ I wish /I could/ recall
Just what /the hell/ I drank /after all/ those beers

but hear how the break in meter in the last line still jarrs slightly to the ear?

S

Hope ya'll don't mind me dropping in. This poem pretty clearly illustrates the play and pay thing lol. Seems all these technical terms being used are simply words used to describe different orders of accented syllables. Like all trades a language has been brought into being in order to describe in one word what might take a paragraph to convey in plain language. Like in construction, one could say a vertical spaced support member contained within a wall which bears a load from above. Or simply wall stud.................stan

weirdelf

that's precisely why I'm using the terminology. It doesn't take much to learn and it's more concise and precise in expression

wesley snow

When I taught dance and as I teach horseback riding, the terminology is critical so I don't spend inordinate amounts of time trying to explain (as Scribbler superbly did) a simple concept. The terms allow us to skip through lengthy explanations quick so that we may discuss what is important. Like art.
The concepts being discussed in this workshop are essential to ANY poet be he the lowest free verse addict or the most high born traditionalist (did I let something slip there?).
I'm in it for the long haul.
wesley

Tam the Chanter

Another futile attempt, I fear.....................

Breakfast consists of coffeee, might it take
Taste of a skunk's ass from my dried-out tongue?
Have I been licking armpit of a snake?
Or sucking Voodoo juice for far too long?

weirdelf

this is a tough exercise, just focus on one of them.
Did you see my comment on the workshop page about gerunds and present participles?
Also Google 'trochaic meter examples'
it's the stress at the start and unstressed at the end of the line that gives trochaic it's distinctive sound