Hard Man (revised)

struck me emotionally, as many of yours don't. It's a poem of feeling that I can relate to. [Not that I need women to love me as other than friends, because I'm married], but it would be nice to see them look at me with lust in their eyes. LOL Being mister nice guy sometimes sucks. I'm having a hard time with your fourth line, it just seems a little unwieldy. Maybe you should leave off the [in fear]. I'm not quite sure of what you mean by the last line. Maybe you could make it clearer? I don't see how it fits. ~ Gee

as the night goes......
dared to comment
hope u don't steel me first
with a cane
which i normally deserve
ur poetry
i shall preserve.

I get it, love is the only responsibility we have. It's the only solution to every problem, except that we're not strong enough to carry it.

The poem itself needs work, Jess.

~A

No.

Love,
Anna

Ummm I appreaciate the contrast contradiction, and orginality of the writing.. but I am with Kal on this, I have little to suggest. it is hard to make suggestions on something that does not flow in my own internal thoughts.

You wish you were a hard man, but it goes in the assumption that others appreciate that, the" hard man". And not the supposdely mild man is the more desirable, you are assuming that the you, or maybe its the charecter lacks and should care what others think. Or what his insecuritiys let intrud.... Kind of rings as Jealous and insecure and that is not as becoming in a writer.

I understand the contradictions your trying to convey but it lacks for me an appreciation of confidence.... something that would add to it. I admit I am not always on the same wave length you are writing, but I do try. This seems to lack the usual cocky confidence you apply to your writing. Of coarse this is all just my opinonated read of it.

Your last lines implys that being a nice guy doesn't get you the girls, and that can be true. But if you think about it. Any lady, girl, women who looks for the bad guy persona to be with has many of her on issue's that are more trouble than benifit.

No one likes being alone though, and I do see the appeal in being the "Hard man" I have to say I have my own tough girl persona I cling to.

I know I am not good at telling you I loved it and going with the flow, but I hope you know that means I read it and spent time thinking on it and didn't just let popular opinion dictate what I thought about what you wrote. I find I spend more time reading your work. I wish that you take that as a complimant, even if I don't always have the fanfare comments.

I have gained both from others.
Respect is better.

I like this very much. As geezer said, it has great emotional impact, and I would change nothing.

I liked the content, and the ending conclusion.
I just feel this screaming for meter. The first two
lines are very catchy, while being cliche, but a tighter
sentence structure like those two throughout may just
bring this around (for me), because as it is, it breaks
rhythm. That may not be the way you want to go, but I
thought I'd say it anyway.

Richard

for that one line:

who women palpitate for in ruin (instead of fear)

I agree, love is a big responsibility (which some take too lightly) I like this piece very much. There is an underlying longing.

always, Cat

If it ain't broke, don't fix it. However, we are the ones who are the final judge of our own broken parts, everything is a mirror, a reflection of our inner workings. ;-)

Eh?

~A

i can relate and feel the emotion here. if you don't mind, i rewrote from my female perspective to see how it flow naturally in me. this is what i came up with. not saying you should change anything. it is a really good poem. i like it.

I wish I was a hard girl,
men see and fear.

I wish I was a hard girl,
women shudder with dread

I wish I was a hard girl, so
friends wouldn't call for help in middle of night

I wish I was a hard girl, so,
men wouldn't love me, as friend.

Then I wouldn't have responsibility,
of love.

People do not view me this way even though i can relate in my own personal way.

Hard Man

I wish I were a hard man,
all the world of men would look at me in fear.
I wish I were a hard man,
women would not hesitate for me, even if in tears
I wish I were a hard man
so friends wouldn't call for help
in the middle of the night
I wished I were a hard man,
so women wouldn't love me
only as a friend.

Then I wished upon love, and found
the responsibility I'd love to have.

Another way of looking at things, dear Jess....

~A

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