scribbler
Aug 25, 2011

ON MISSING THINGS

I will miss the acrobatic squirrels
as they vault from tree to tree
searching for an acorn treat
while they fuss and bark at me.

I will miss the speedy rabbits
as they sprint from the brier patch
brown blurs dodging red tail hawks
when they dive beneath the thatch.

I will even miss the feral hogs
all their grunting as they root about
snuffling for some roots and grubs
with their blunt and muddy snout.

I shall miss the graceful deer
with polished antlers standing tall.
If I don't sight my rifle in
I fear that I shall miss them all.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost

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Comments

Barbara Writes

I like this. It brought back the memories i cherished this summer of squirrels jumping from tree to tree in my back yard as i look out my sliding glass door from my den.

i even cherished the memories of squirrels dashing for the woods as i drove into my yard.

Roscoe Lane

You got me right to the end, a beautiful picture painted in words. Exploded in words. Regards Roscoe

weirdelf

I think that I shall never see
a billboard lovely as a tree
perhaps unless the billboards fall
I'll never see a tree at all.

The first three stanzas are basic pastorale, then a Jeffrey Archer punchline. A bit cheap mate.

A few notes on meter
searching for a big acorn [places unatural stress on orn in acorn]
when they burrow underneath the thatch [would scan beter as-]
when they burrow under thatch
I fear that I shall miss them all
I fear I'll miss them all

rhyme works well.

S

A bad knee has already diminished the lengths of my forest wanderings. I am pleased that you have a garden you can visit among the stark urban landscape............stan

Candlewitch

thanks so very much for recommending this poem...I was surprised by the ending. a good laugh!

*hugs, Cat