Loreli
Loreli
Aug 24, 2011

The Facade

Chiseled by hand, formed to be alluring
You appear to have the clarity of diamonds
yet you’re hard, cold and sharp to touch.

You’re mysterious like a mature oyster
But underneath the impermeable shell
there's no smooth pearl to treasure.
.
You bring promises of spring colors
lush and green like emeralds
except no love grows from within.

Eyes iridescent prisms
an opal rainbow of colors
blurring with every tear you fall onto me.

Projecting a sheen of confidence
pliable like polished gold
but your metal contains no soul.

exuding warmth through soft garnet lips
passion in a scalding kiss
hiding harsh lies of deception.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Michigan/USA, USA

More from this author

Comments

Candlewitch

A wonderful piece. Makes me think of some soulless people I know who are beautiful on the outside, but their beauty only runs skin deep. Liked these lines:

exuding warmth through soft garnet lips
passion in a scalding kiss
hiding harsh lies of deception.

always, Cat

Loreli

I know a few like this also....and I work with one or two! So pleased you read this and commented on it. Wasn't really sure about it...still not sure I like the first stanza so if you are so inclined I would love any suggestions, thanks again Cat.

Cheers, Lori

Eduardo Cruz

Awareness is half the battle against lies. It is not easy to recognize. The way to see it is that there is truth in your own heart. Even though you write of a facade, the truth in the write stands out brighter. That is what I truly enjoyed about your written truth.
Kudos!!
Eddie

Loreli

I wrote this about several individuals and just rolled them all into one person. Some of them are easy to see through, others good actors till you scratch more than the surface. So pleased you enjoyed "my truth"!

Thanks again,
Cheers,
Lori

R

raj

13 years 8 months ago

like almost always...your word usage is exceptional ...describing deception....

weirdelf

for the word beautiful. it is always a copout word in poetry.

The rest, while expressing something that most can relate to seems to use poetic language almost arbitrarily. I'd suggest writing exactly what you mean in sparse prose then putting it together again for real social, human interaction.

Loreli

Your right of course...I really like the word "alluring" so much better! I am going to try and rework the poem a bit and see what happens.
Thanks so much!
Cheers, Lori

Loreli

Thanks Rosi,
I have decided for now just to change that word...I loved the word you suggested.

Hugs,
Lori