Loreli
Loreli
Aug 13, 2011

Longing to Leave

I long to disappear
I have no strength to fly

fold my wings and dive
deep below the cresting waves

let the rip tide pull me
leaving all anguish
leaving desolation

cradled in cold
no longer weighted
my mind quiet at last.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Once again...Thank you to Jess for the edit!

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Region, Country: Michigan/USA, USA

More from this author

Comments

Loreli

I know you and I share a similar struggle.....
I hope this finds you in a better space than I am at the moment! Thanks for your very generous comments.

Lori

Loreli

I do know what you mean, thanks my friend. I know there is light somewhere...I just lose sight of it and let the darkness take hold. Mostly I am very good at hiding it from those in my life, however because of this it comes out in my writing. I will be okay, and I know you will be also. Take care of you....xxxxxx

Lori

R

raj

13 years 8 months ago

the anguish and resignation are perceptible in this write...may those waves you plunge into wash away those feelings and enable you to come out with renewed vigor and strengthen your wings to make the most of this life you are blessed with...

Loreli

Thank for your beautiful message to me. It made me feel very blessed indeed to have you as my friend here on Neo. You should make that into a poem, it was very inspirational, you have such a gifted way about you. I will come out of this....I always do, and yes I have many things to be thankful for.

Lori

R

it is so good to know your resolve to get through the troubles into sunshine and rain

much love...

S

I read this a more a yearning for freedom from always striving than resignation. Goes to show what i know lol.....stan

Loreli

That is what is so great about poetry...we all interpret (sp?) things differently! Thanks for commenting.

Cheers, Lori

weirdelf

but read the rest aloud and hear the jarring of the language.
It's mostly the line
leaving all anguish and desolation
perhaps instead

leaving all anguish
leaving desolation

and maybe
no longer feeling weighted
no longer weighted

and
my mind finally quiet
my mind quiet at last

just some ideas, read them aloud, it is the final test of all poetry.
It is a beautifully expressed sentiment, just a little work and I think it could be great.

Loreli

But I do feel the poem is better thanks to you! Good to know though that you wouldn't be offended if I didn't take your suggestions, lol. I still do feel it is my poem...just better.

Cheers back at ya,
Lori