Roscoe Lane
Roscoe Lane
Aug 07, 2011

An uncertain voice .... alone

An uncertain voice…alone

Uncertainty came by today
stumbling on words it tried to say
we find must a better way
remember we fast are turning grey

Our passing times us by
we got to up step and try
make hear them our children cry
before we all down lay and die

And remembered be for what
another invention from eternal our swot
that mean doesn’t a whole lot if it
don’t world the save and all we got

Other live creatures as nature intended
no treatment special is needed or blended
rules not are altered and bended
or paragraphs policy of amended

So to end say I be true
best the do that you can do
point way a that suits your crew
perhaps see we’ll a world anew

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Scotland, Ayrshire land of Burns.., GBR

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Comments

D

Dalton

13 years 8 months ago

This one reads a little like a rap performed by Yoda of Degoba. No bad comment against your skill just a little back to front so a little difficult to retain the general flow of the piece. Are you into hip hop? ThanX for sharing

Roscoe Lane

Just thought it would get the message across better if it held the reader a little longer. Thank you for commenting. Regards Roscoe..

faerybeki

I like this I do lol :) Like Dalton can't help but think of Yoda :) and agree although I like the idea it does make for a disjointed read. much love Beki xxx

lou

lou

13 years 8 months ago

Have to agree with Dalton, it is like a rap. I enjoyed it a lot, nothing I can think of that I would change.

Lou

Roscoe Lane

Thank you perhaps i've found my genre, i could be rapping all over town LoL.. Love Roscoe..