Eliese
in the bright noonday sun
her hair was the color
of creamy golden caramel
tilting her head to peer up at me
long lashes lacing each other
on her peach blushing cheek
just dusting her captivating skin
she looked good enough to eat
(so I bit her...)
Last Few Words: For those who don't know, eddy styx is my male, twisted alter ego.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
[chuckles out loud!]
this is precisely what I think when I read poems comparing the beloved to edibles!
Good write!
Thanks, Jess!
I'm glad you enjoyed it and got a chuckle out of it :)
something light for eddy styx...a lite snack!
always, Cat
Cat
How perfectly dark and disturbing,
Love Lou
Thanks, Lou!
and you know how I love to desturb people!
always, eddy
Thanks Yenti,
Sorry about the cracks in the mud pack! LOL!
always, eddy
Rosi!!!
So great to see you!!! How are you dear girl? I'm so very glad you are back! You are right on course with this one!
always, eddy
Dearest Cat...
the end lines project the fore lines ...it brings out the over powering natural human instinct to bite or taste whatever one likes....and the title "Eilese" by itself is so very delicate and savory...it lifts the poem even further..
Dear Raj,
Thank you so much for reading and penetrating deep into the poem.
always, eddy
Hi Cat ...
Great little poem here, sweet, with a side of evil,
how could I not love it!
Richard
LOL!
Thanks, Richard!Glad you enjoyed yourself. Nice to see you.
always, eddy (& Cat)
Dear Chrys,
A little something different, here ;)
always, eddy (& Cat)